A
male
age
51-59,
*ussophile
writes:Last month I spent 8 incredibly romantic, wonderful days with a young woman who lives 6,000 miles away. It will be 3 or 4 months before we can see each other again (we have talked about it). We had been penpals for 2 years before that. I really fell hard for her, but we both know she doesn't feel as strongly yet. We talk on the phone daily, but she says needs more time in person to fall in love. She has also been going through a breakup of a relationship. Could be imagining things, but she seems more distant over time since we were together. As happy as I was in Moscow, I am often nearly as miserable, driving myself crazy with thoughts that our long kiss in the airport might be our last encounter. I realized I was being too much of a "downer" in our conversations, talking about painful longing and doubts too much. Trying to be upbeat and flirtatious like before we met. How can I maximize my chances of making it with her the 3 or 4 months? How can I stop obsessing about her and our time together so much and go back to feeling well-adjusted and well-balanced like before we met last month?
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a break, flirt, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, russophile +, writes (22 October 2008):
russophile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, you and others have helped me realize that people in my situation often go through these same feelings. I have told her that she has my trust, if there is something she wants to let me know about her situation with her (recently) ex-boyfriend she will tell me, otherwise I am not going to bring it up anymore. Instead we focus on interest in each other's daily lives and looking ahead towards the next time we can see each other. Intense highs and lows, and some degree of obsessing, seem like par for the course when one is falling in love -- especially with a long-distance partner. We can be selective about how much we share the "lows" so we are not coming across as too doubting or negative. I also try to take the stance that if it doesn't work out, then it just was not meant to be, accept that possibility and not worry about it too much. Easy to say, but harder to put in to practice on a bad day. Getting better I think.
A
female
reader, sdwwcc11 +, writes (20 October 2008):
I am in a (non-long distance) relationship right now where i'm trying to get back to the way things were "before" I became this negative person, always doubting his love for me, and etc. Not sure if this will work for you, but when i've talked to/seen him for the past couple of days i've been trying to remind myself various times that if I want to be happy again, I have to not let the "negative me" out. I have to be like I used to be. Today went well for me by doing that. It has also helped me to look at other people with situations on here like mine (search box: type in doubting, long-distance) and see what comes up. You might be suprised what you find. I hope things work out for you, good luck!
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