A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My heart is broken, I have been with this "wonderful" man for three years now, a hairdresser, he has pampered me and took me away on breaks, i have been taken to all his family birthday meals etc. Last weekend, my birthday weekend, we were at his flat, he had bought a new phone and kept repeating over and over how he had thousands of texts on his old phone, in the night i had one of my now regular night sweats and got up for a drink, he had left his phone in the kitchen which never happens, that phone is usually glued to him. Well i did it and peeped, i am devastated by what i read. He has been texting regularly and occasionally meeting his ex wife of ten years and begging for a reunion, it seems she half considered it and flirted with him for a while but backed off and it was left with him sending texts from Feb gone right up to last month stating his undying love and how he will never meet anyone ever again and doesn't want anyone in his life. He had been taking me away on weekend trips and day trips and then texting her to say how he was carrying her in his heart everywhere on these trips and how he wasn't alone inside.I ran into the bedroom and confronted him and he just pulled the quilt over and never denied a thing, i got dressed and took the phone home and had a good read to take it all in and i am so sick i think i am going to die, the pain in my chest and my face is twitching and i already have an irregular heartbeat its going into overdrive and if it continues i know i will have heart attack but i cant get him out of my head or what he has done to me. So over this weekend i managed to get into one of his email addresses, its just killing me know what i dont know about him, anyway it wasnt good news in there either, he seems to have an unhealthy interest in young girls too! OH God i know i have got to get over him but how when you have loved and do love them, i keep trying to get my head to go to what he has done to my soul and hate him and for his perviness but my heartache keeps coming back, he is such a manipulative monster and i fell for it all, he basically used me for security and company but i fell in love and want desparately to fall out of love. Oh i know this is long winded but i am typing it as i think it. Please God help me get rid of this crappy pain! I did email him that i thought what he had done was evil and what i found out about his perviness and he just emailed me back i was an ugly unloved old woman! He is not good looking but a very very confident person. Any advice out there please xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (14 October 2009):
 If you need to talk about it, drop me a private message and we can have a chat.
Angie xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh thank you thank you for such positive and makes loads of sense answers. Its lovely someone takes the time to listen x It will take time i know. i keep going back to the awful things i read and i just get this pain in my chest, however i have been going back to read your replies and they are so helpful, i think i will print them off to read when i have these what are attacks of some form, they are so supportive, Thank you x
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 October 2009):
You have my deepest sympathies. Finding out that someone has been leading you in a lie is absolutely devestating and sould estroying. There is nothing so vile as being made to feel a love fool and believe me the shame is all his.
I am sure you are feeling absolutely wretched and used and although it's cliche...time is your friend. You may feel you have wasted the last 3 years but finding out now about how despicable a man he is has saved you years of heartbreak. Life can be very cruel at times and events that befall us can be quite unbelievable at times and beyond our control.
Take the grief in stages and protect yourself. Rally close friends to talk and cry and get angry if you have to. Be kind to yourself and don't you dare beat yourself up over this or consider getting back with him. He has been extremely unkind in word and deed and he deserves to be cast aside. The most important person is YOU. Thank your lucky stars you wern't married to him and you can just walk away. Writing down feelings and emotions can help you get them out of your head so you can think more clearly.
Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to how others treat us, it's crappy and upsetting but it happens to the best of us and it's how you deal with the aftermath that defines who you are.
You are not an ugly unloved old woman just because he says so (he wouldn't have dated you for so long if this were even remotely true) Your a smart organised wonderful woman who can see this for what it truly was and can rise above it and go on to better things.
One thing I have learned as I have gotten older is that there is ALWAYS someone else out there with the potential to love you. The least amount of time you spend mourning this arsehole the better.
Hold your head up girl!!! tomorrows a new day and you escaped to fight another day!!!
With love
Aunty Em xxx (angie)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Im sorry, that sounds awful. Happens to everyone though. There are a lot of manipulative people out there. Ive been victim to a few myself. My advice would be to take up a new hobby. That seems to help me get over ex girlfriends. I started weight lifting a lot after one and took up the guitar after another. You should find something youre interested in and work at it. Im not saying youll completely forget him but itll take the edge off and give you something positive to think about.
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