A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm still obsessed with a girl I dated months ago. Things really didn't work out between us, there was an age difference and we had almost nothing in common but for reasons I can't understand I was devastated when it ended. She's moved on now but months later I'm still thinking about her constantly. It's tearing me apart. I want to move on but can't seem to do it. Have been through all the obvious stuff, know it's completely irrational but I just can't shake the empty feeling. Does anyone have any advice on how the hell I can get past it??
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Hi there, Sometimes it is not the person, we are obsessed with, but the obsession with love and companionship. Which can be quite powerful, if we feel that a person represents that, then we are very fearful if they are leaving us alone. It is almost like a parent leaving us alone. You have to learn how to grieve over an ending to a relationship, especially when you realize that it was not going to work out. You then, after you have grieved and it has to be a very real grieving, cry if you must, I would think that you are holding on to this and have not given yourself a real grieving period over this relationship, you then go on to the next stages of getting over it. Healing, which will take time as well, but you must do these things in order, your emotions are still raw, it is not about the woman, it is about turning the relationship aloose, but you must grieve before you can heal. Take it one step at a time and you will walk away from it. It is alright to feel abandoned, disappointed, but do not take it inwardly, express your feelings to someone you trust, get it out, as they say, a cathrasis, get angry if you must, but get it outside of you, express how you feel, then go on, grieve over it, and start the forward movement. You are a sensitive person, you are allowed to feel what you do, but life is too short and you are holding on to the feel of the comfort of the relationship, not the woman. They are two different things. Very good luck to you, stay in touch. Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): heyyyy...break ups areeee difficult and im sorry youre going throuth such a hard time...you have two choices...1. sit back and watch everyone move on in life2. live your lifeimagine your life to be a story- some chapters close on people, some chapters end with lessons to be taught and some chapters end with great highs-the people who finish your story with you are the people who think the world of you.close your chapter on her-and move on to the next-try not to focus on the negatives and focus on what you have learnt for next time.it is not a bad thing to be single. it is hard when it gets lonley ofcourse!!! but let this 'alone' time give you the strength to learn more about yourself and your next relationship-think about what you look for in a relationship.in the mean time- go out with some mates? get a new hair cut? new clothes/jumper/shoes??? anything- join a course (any course you wantttttttt ) meet new peopleeeee and when you least expect it youre going to find your ideal lady.(trust me- ive dwelled on a guy for 3 years-it did me no gooooooood- i ended up on medication- but then i decided to put him to the back of my mind because it was his loss- took a lot of effort and i had to forget a lot of memories and detach my self from all the emotions i felt for him-i detached by diverting my attention elsewhere every time he popped into my head-before i went to sleep was the worst-so i read books :)!!!!)you can do this...let tmoro be a new start for you!!!!!!smileeee!!!! and you will get smillles backkk!!!!pick your self up and shake her offffff!!!! :)with lots of love and god blessfriend xxxxxxx
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