A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My bf is scared of sex toys...He says he feels intimidated by them, and that he has had a couple of women tell him hes dumped they bought a dildo and showed him the door, one of these girls (i used to know her and she wasnt terribly freindly) slapped him round the face with it, he was head over heels for this girl aswell.i want to help my bf get comfortable with using them, i dont want him to feel like he's being replaced, which is the impression i get from what he says n a guess at what stigma's are attached with being rejected for dildo's.he's a very affectionate, careing lovely guy, wears his heart on his sleeve a little too much, he makes me happy i want to do something different for him with toys and stuff, iv only managed to convince him to keep them at his house because my mum keeps going through my stuff finding them and making snide remarks to the family about it, it really embarrases my bf when she says that, i dont think it helped that she left it on the dining room table with a post-it note saying "it smells like fish, i thought you had an eel in your room, please clean it" he got to my house first that day and was very red faced when i arrived.i ramble, sorry, how can i help my bf accept that toys are just that: toys, to aid in stimulation and enjoyment and not to replace him?
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female
reader, vanessajunroy +, writes (6 May 2010):
why don't you try and get something that he could use on him self?or on you?There is a lot of sites out there that have things for people that havnt ever used them before. maybe he just needs to see that its not going to replace him, just make both of your sex lives better!And as for your mum. I woudln't know what to say to that. x
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (1 May 2010):
 Well first off, if he's scared of being replaced by a sex toy, waving around/using an enormous dildo is going to make it worse. I think any girl using a dildo on herself while a guy is around is being slightly insensitive. I feel there's a strong correlation here between women feeling intimidated by a guy's porn use and women using dildos. The feelings of replacement are about the same. So you should definitely keep the toy to be something small and unhuman-like. Really when you use a dildo around him, you are replacing his penis with another penis. How would you feel if he said, excuse me, your vagina is lovely, but let me just try this for a minute... and starting masturbating with a fleshlight? A good transition toy is something like a tongue vibe or a small bullet/egg vibe (the doc johnson ivibe is a great one that's cheap online) and to let him use them on you. Also make sure when you buy your toys, you buy them together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): You could try using the toys on yourself first, to get you warmed up and before you climax, invite him to help you finish. That way it will show that while toys are nice and fun, you need him too. You can also try and start small- using vibrating eggs or finger vibrators and work your way up until he feels comfortable.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Geez..it sounds as though your mother is the problem and not your BF..how awful of her! I suggest you politely ask her to mind her own damn business.
I'm thinking the Bf will have to work out the fear of death by dildo thing on his own. If he fears replacement by an inanimate object, I'm afraid this runs a bit deeper. Men this insecure in themselves are usually a walking study in what to stay away from, sweetie. ( woman drops man for dildo? WHEN has that ever REALLY happened? Honestly) If you're down with being his life long exorcist, then go for it. Otherwise, I'd park this guy in the not suitable for long term column. Flipside: Maybe you should put away the "foul-smelling" toys and give it a go without the extra stimulants? If you can't do this, I'd ask what *your* hang up might be. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Ahh...the plight of the male ego. And your mom said that on a post-it note? What's she doing going around sniffing your stuff? Ew.
But back to your boyfriend. Tell him to keep an open mind, and you'll promise not to make jokes or smack him around with the toys. If he plays video games, he should know that accessories can make the fun more enjoyable.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 April 2010):
 First of all, you're mother is very insensitive! That was a terrible thing to do! The next time she makes a "snide remark", to embarrass you. Why don't you try coming back with something like: "Mom, maybe you should try it sometime, it may relieve some of your frustration!"
As for your boyfriend, just take things gradually, and let him be the one to experiment with them......explain to him that it's just a way to enhance things...not replace him!
That's about all you can do...you can't force the issue, it will only make him feel worse!
Good Luck!
~BG~
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A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (30 April 2010):
 I say first you need to move out of your mum's house. That was horribly disrespectful of her!!Second, you can bring it out and use them on him...ie. the vibration on his penis. Not going up 'back side' that's a no no. Well, for right now. He might like it later or he may never, but right now, that's not what I'm saying at all.You can say things like this is to help me get turned on faster so you don't have to work so hard to get me off. Tell him, it takes a woman about 20 mins to get warmed up and then a while more to get off. ie. have an orgasm. If you could cut down that time, wouldn't it be nice? Tell him, for some women, having dual stimulation is best. Having clitoral and vaginal stimulation which he can't do by himself easily. Awkward hand placements and all that. During sex, he can't really touch your clit can he? I mean unless you do doggie and he's versed in it. Either way, it'd be easier to use a vibe.Do tell him, it's not to replace you. It's to enhance what we have. I love you just the way you are. I don't need the toys. I want to spice things up once in a while so we don't get into a rut.
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