A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ok Im in search of honest answers for my problem. Basically, Im 25 years old and Im single. My last serious relatonship ended when I was 21. I was with the guy for 3 and a half years and I split with him cos I no longer loved him. I have not had a serious relationship since. But I havnt had a few casual relationships which werent serious but unfortunately for me left me extremely hurt. Even though I was only with them a couple of months at a time, when it finished, for whatever reason, I would be absolutely distraught. And it wouldnt be for just a few days, it would be for months. Because I felt like this, I believed I had fallen in love with them. Only now Ive realised that its not love, it was infatuation or obsession. For the weeks following the split-ups, I would think about them constantly, all day every day. I would also be nasty to their new girlfriends and also stalked them by driving past their house quite often or going to a place I knew they would be. My whole life would be about them, to where I went and who I saw I was constantly hoping it would be bring me to them. I even lied to a couple of them by telling them I was pregnant, just to get their attention and maybe bring them back to me, and with both I had to pretend I went through an abortion. They still dont know the truth. I also had days where I would be fine and happy and then the next day I would be very depressed. I would also get strong urges to drive to their house or phone them cos the need to see them was so strong I couldnt handle it. Luckily, Ive never done that but the only thing that stopped me doing it was to delete their numbers. So this has been happening for the past four years. Only now Ive realised that its not normal. I believed before that I was in love with these men and it was normalto react this way when it ended cos I was feeling hurt. Only when it was going on for months did I realise that there was something wrong with me. Im not ashamed to admit that my behaviour is odd. I already suffer from depression and am currently taking antidepressants and have been for a long time. But now Im wondering whether I should see a counsellor and try to cure my obsessions I get with these men. So basically what Im asking for is your complete honest opinion on whether my behaviour warrants me for getting psychological help. And if so, what sort of help do I need and how do I go about getting it? If I have some sort of disorder I would also like to know what it is and how to deal with it. I dont wanna live like this forever. Im currently going through it with another guy who I had very strong feelings with and he finished with me after 3 months. That was in July and Im still not over it. I still think about him constantly and think up ways of bumping into him. Sometimes I text him to try and start talking to him again but its clear hes no interested. It would be great just to get on with life and even remain friends with these guys, but instead I become their worst enemy and also lose alot of respect for myself in the process. Please someone tell me what I should do. Thanks
View related questions:
abortion, depressed, stalking, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): HiI think you need to really start to look within yourself not outside at others for your healing. start to look at all your positive points. Make time for you have special days where your total focus is doing something special for you...maybe dancing or a makeover anything that you normally would not do. You are quite normal i had a friend who went through the same once...but she worked it out.Please remember how unique and special you are. I would maybe try and have a break from relationships at the moment until you are strong again...and you will be. Focus on you heal yourself start today...you will only repeat the cycle if you keep looking outwards. Please don't worry your not bonkers just a little nutty at the moment like we all get sometimes. Sit calmly and say today is going to be the beginning of a new ME. In time your vulnerability will fade, it will be hard but you can do it. Each failed relationship is making your self esteem plummet so step aside and put all that energy into building yourself up again. Its Christmas soon...treat yourself.I wish you well and will hope that you overcome this challenge in your life...you are strong enough. The only problem i see that you have is vulnerability and you need to heal...but heal yourself its all in the mind change the negative to positive...quite a long journey but the destination is great. (Be thine own physician)Via con dios.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): HiI think you need to really start to look within yourself not outside at others for your healing. start to look at all your positive points. Make time for you have special days where your total focus is doing something special for you...maybe dancing or a makeover anything that you normally would not do. You are quite normal i had a friend who went through the same once...but she worked it out.Please remember how unique and special you are. I would maybe try and have a break from relationships at the moment until you are strong again...and you will be. Focus on you heal yourself start today...you will only repeat the cycle if you keep looking outwards. Please don't worry your not bonkers just a little nutty at the moment like we all get sometimes. Sit calmly and say today is going to be the beginning of a new ME. In time your vulnerability will fade, it will be hard but you can do it. Each failed relationship is making your self esteem plummet so step aside and put all that energy into building yourself up again. Its Christmas soon...treat yourself.I wish you well and will hope that you overcome this challenge in your life...you are strong enough. The only problem i see that you have is vulnerability and you need to heal...but heal yourself its all in the mind change the negative to positive...quite a long journey but the destination is great. (Be thine own physician)Via con dios.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Well done for realising there is an issue to be addressed. I have been in similar situations and its quite simply the rejection that you can't handle and I believe it may be a self esteem issue. After a few casual flings I've realised that if they liked me enough then it wouldnt have gone wrong and try to move on and as soon as I find someone else they are completely forgotten about. I think if your self esteem was fine then you would handle the break up better. good luck in the future
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (14 December 2008):
 Well I think that you are a very strong person and very intelligent. You have analized your behaviour very well indeed. This is what I'm picking up on. For one, you have been on antidepressants for a long time. When you first go on them, prescribed by a doctor, they are for a 'short term' fix. They only 'mask' a problem and they don't solve it. Antidepressants are well known for causing paranoia and other symptoms which arent very nice, like feeling like you want to commit suicide, or even kill members of your family. So what I would suggest to you is to come off the antidepressants and get the normal feelings back which is the 'real' you. You probably are acting like a 'bunny boiler', and doing other things that you wouldnt normally do if you werent taking them because you would be able to think 'straighter'.
When you first went to the docs for them, do you still have the same problems you had then, for the reason to take them in the first place?
I would suggest you go back to the docs and tell him you need to come off them because like i say, they are not for 'life' they are for a short term solution.
Also I liked the fact that you take the guys number out of the phone to stop you behaving in an innapropriate way, this shows you are putting strategies in place to help yourself.
You have to stop living in fantasy land as well about 'abortions' and such like and lying to men. You don't know who knows who and your name could be getting thrown about as being a bit wierd, maybe thats why guys arent staying around. You must be scaring them off. The next guy you meet, just be yourself, totally honest,no lies or fantasies, then he will fall in love with you for real. You don't want a man who is going to feel 'sorry' for you and your troubles. That only lasts a short time anyway and intelligent men will see straight through this 'act' of yours.
hope this helps.
...............................
|
