A
female
age
30-35,
*roofroo22
writes:I have always thought of myself as girlfriend material and that I have a lot to offer a man. I dated a guy recently and he doesn't have any interest in me as a person whatsoever. I know it sounds vain or conceited, but I believe in myself and feel I am a great catch--I've worked hard to become who I am today. Hard work, tears, and decades of hardships and experiences made me the strong person I am today. However, I'm shocked to find myself not being that strong person having been rejected by him. I am doubting myself and my worth so intensely--something I haven't done for years. We went out a few times and he doesn't seem intrigued by me the least bit and I often am comparing myself to other women that he is interested in. I don't know how to shake this feeling of insecurity. Don't get me wrong, I am always open to growth and feedback in order to improve myself. How can I go back to being the confident girl I was before? I don't really know anymore if I am, in fact, that great of a catch anymore.....
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 February 2017):
 I think your confidence is a front because it would take a lot more than one man to break it. I mean come on none off us are perfect. None off us are one fit all when it comes to what men want. You need to realize not every man is going to find you attractive or want to be with you, but that does not mean you are not a good catch. Everybody gets rejected in life, it is just how we deal with it makes us who we are.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (4 February 2017):
You sound like a very needy person. Anyone whose confidence can be so easily shattered obviously has their self worth tied to external things and is not really confident. Everyone is not going to love you and your worth is not determined others opinions of you. If you can learn that you will be much happier.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 That is the world of dating.
You don't get in a relationship with every single person you date do you?
You've probably rejected guys in the past that weren't what you were looking for. You weren't what this guy was looking for so why beat yourself up about it?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 February 2017):
 Have a think back to all the guys you have been out with and ask yourself, "were they right for me?" Then, in each case, ask yourself why. I bet you come back with a variety of answers. Dating is all about meeting new people, deciding what we DON'T want in a partner and, hopefully, finally finding a partner we think we can be happy with. (A sort of "try before you buy".) Just like you have decided many men were not for you, this man decided YOU were not what HE was looking for. You do also make a big assumption, that the "short-coming" was YOURS and not HIS. Perhaps he prefers women who are quieter, or less confident, or even just likes to play the field and meet as many women as possible. Perhaps he is one of those men who is inly interested in the chase, and loses all interest once that is over. I get the impression he may be the first man you have been rejected by who you have really liked. Sweetheart, that's life. Think of a gorgeous lady in the public eye and you will also find she has had her share of heartache and rejection. Why do you feel you have to be so strong and perfect? We all have weaknesses and failings. A long-term partner will accept you as a complete package, with all your weaknesses and failings. The fact that you say you have had "decades of hardships and experiences" - yet you are only in your 20s - tells me how obsessive you are about attaining what you see as perfection. Relax. Try to enjoy the moment. Happiness is a journey, rather than a destination.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 You probably are a good catch-just not his which makes him not yours. Be happy your not being dicked around and move on
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2017):
 Not every guy you will meet and be attracted to will be a good match for you, NEITHER will YOU be a good match for every guy.
This guy? Just wasn't into you. Doesn't mean you have nothing to offer - he is just not curious about what you DO have to offer.
Don't change for a guy or to ATTRACT guys. Be who you are.
Do acknowledge that this guy was a DUD in the relationship department.
Honestly? A guy who goes out with a girl on multiple dates and doesn't show interest is NOT really a catch is he?
His loss - your win - move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): OK, so one guy wasn't interested? So what?
I think you are just starting to learn a lesson: that everything is subjective. So while you might be really interesting and a great catch to some, to others you may be uninteresting /not have the same sense of humour/ different hobbies, etc.
So, while I am sure you have a lot of great qualities, you don't have every great quality in the world. You don't hold every single man's attention or gaze. No one does.
This should only deepen your confidence in the long run. You are unique. Not everyone should like you.
Also maybe try to become more aware of the types of men YOU find interesting, challenging, exciting, etc. It shouldn't just be about getting validation.
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