A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Short and sweet. My best friend of 5 years and girlfriend of a year just up and left me. I found out she messed around with 5 other guys while she was with me. The only way I found out was one of the guys that she was messing with told me cuz he felt bad for me. I bought her a car and got us an apartment together after she told me she was pregnant with my child. Turns out it was some other guys kid. She miscarried and blamed me. Said I was stressing her too much. Then a week later she just left. Took all her stuff and left. I loved her. The worse part is. I forgive her. I still love her and just wish she would come back to me. And because of this. I hate myself. I want to hate her but I cant. How can I forgive myself? How can I stop hating myself because I forgive her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014): Youre, addicted to disfunctional relations. Seek help. You're worth more than you think you do. Find yourself a new nice girl. That ex gf is just bad news.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): You both had a friendship before that, so you know her on a much deeper level, it makes sense that you forgave her. You have to be kind to yourself, it's a very hard thing that you are going through. Anytime we are betrayed esp. by someone we are intimate with, it's brutal. To want her back makes sense in a lot of ways, esp. since this just happened. Give it time, your perspective may start to change. In the meantime, don't be too hard on yourself for loving someone who sounds like they need help. Take care of you. Put some distance between you and her. Give yourself love and sometime to heal.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2014):
 Can you stop hating yourself?
I should hope so. Hating yourself because you were a decent guy is silly. Knowing and accepting that she DIDN'T deserve YOU and YOU didn't deserve what she did to you, might at some point dawn on you.
She is obviously not right in the head. And MAYBE you subconsciously felt that too, and that is why you forgave her.
You can beat yourself up from now till the end of time, BUT you can ALSO thank your lucky stars that you didn't MARRY this woman and have kids with her, because you can do better.
Don't stop being a good person because this women was not who you thought she was or who you wanted her to be. Amd STOP taking the "blame" for her actions. What she did was HER choice. YOU didn't MAKE her cheat.
Let it go, let HER go and think, poor sod who dates her next! And lucky girl who YOU will date next!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): Time makes all the difference. Your mind has to sort through a lot of things. When we go through emotional trauma, we go into a state of shock. We protect our feelings in every way possible; because that is a human response. It's the desire to survive.
You hate yourself; because you know it is right to forgive, but foolish to want her back. There is no reason to want her back. She doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel for her. She only came back to use you. When she lost the baby, to blame you was a convenient excuse to leave; because she no longer has a use for you.
You seem to idolize this woman too much. Almost obsessively. There may be some truth that you stressed her out. It's hard having someone caring so much when you can't reciprocate. It's slow torture over time. Guilt sets in, or you just feel smothered.
Hating yourself is just a phase before acceptance. It a symptom of grief after a loss. It subsides, then things begin to fall into place. You might be dramatizing; so give yourself a break. She's an awful person. Let her go, and redirect your life.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (15 August 2014):
 its very healthy you were able to forgive her but it would be so unhealthhy if you took her back. once a cheater always a cheater! i predict she will just use you and break your heart.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (15 August 2014):
 You are just too nice for her and she does not deserve you. Don't be hard on yourself and just move on. If she ever comes back wanting friendship or a second I hope you are strong to tell her you are not interested. She broke all the rules of being a good GF and blamed you in the end. Move on she is not worth it and by forgiving her you are not stuck in the past.
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (15 August 2014):
Love can do random things to us and make us feel very mixed emotions that we shouldn't usually feel.You will more than likely just get people telling you , you can do much better off not being with her and that she is bad news. And you know what they are right I mean to actually go with 5 men over a period of a year really shows no respect for you at all. maybe some how you blame yourself for the break up, I know I felt a similar way with an Ex of mine and kind of forgave her for the things she done and blamed myself.Maybe you are at the early stages of the break up and going through the routine but mate you can do better! you looked after her and she threw it all back in your face.Just focus on you ! And getting your life together and don't chase her or anything because you will just be starting routine over again. ( I kept doing so it doesn't help) And if you are still convinced you love her, try to imagine what advise you would give to a mate who had found out their Mrs had cheated with 5 guys , pretended a baby was theirs and then just up and left! good luck though
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