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female
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anonymous
writes: How can I stop from comparing myself to his ex wife?He was with her 13 years and they have 2 children together. They split up over 2 years ago due to her cheating. He then had a brief fling with someone before he met me 11 months ago. I know she will always be in his life due to the children but I cant help thinking that he would rather be with her and im just 2nd best. He says im not and most of the time I feel very secure but every now and then when he is discussing a conversation he had with her, it just makes me think he isnt really over her yet. I just start feeling very insecure especially when he talks about what they are going to do for his sons birthday next month etc. I just dont feel like I will ever be good enough for him. I know its pathetic and I hate myself for it and I truly want to stop so any idea on how to start the process?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I have been with my partner for 5 yrs and YES I hate his ex wife too.
She is still in the picture because they have an 11 year old.
i hate it when she brings up the past in front of me.
She tries to act as if we are all one happy family and we are not.
Distant yourself from her as much as you can that way you wont feel like you have to prove something.
Remember they divorced each other and thats why she is the ex and you are his girl.
Madeline
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): Stop hating yourself and realize many women go through what is happening to you. You just definitely need to work on your self confidence here..because if you continue feeling this way, you will become needy and your relationship will blow up, eventually. When it somes to ex-wife's, a man and his 2nd partner definitely need to find a balance. How much should he mention to you about his ex-wife is a real quandry for him to be in? Telling you too much and he could be accused of still having feelings,and if he tells too little, then he's thought to be hiding something. This poor man is between a rock and a hard place. Don't do that to him, dear.
He's being 'open' with you-you are his best friend and who better, do we confide our thoughts to. It doesn't mean he wants her. If he did, he'd be by her side. But he's not there...he with you! Just be gracious and nice when he speaks of her and his child. He cares for his kid, but likely doesn't give a hoot about her! For the sake of the kid, he has to try his best to be 'politely distant' with her. He just wants to be happy and in love with you. Please, start believing in yourself. Don't allow this to wreck your happiness, because if you continue...it will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): stop beating your self up pet. im in the same situation as you. the only way out for me was therapy, i need to find the rout of my insecurity as you do. you will only end up tieing your self in knots over this get your self help asap and make your self strong x
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