A
female
age
36-40,
*haaar
writes:I first met my boyfriend through my cousin. My cousin was dating his brother at that time. my cousin, her boyfriend (my boyfriends brother), and him brought me to some house... Well at that time we were just friends. He brought us over to a house and introduced us to the girl that lived there as just his friend. The girl there was just his friend but I found out later that that was his girlfriend at that time... That same night he broke up with her. Then he would talk to me on the phone after that... He told me he really liked me, found me attractive and what not. But one night my cousin had a barbeque at her house but i couldn't attend it. the guy i was supposedly talking to went with his brother and there was a girl there that went and i knew her. later that night he got real drunk and i found out that he did some "Things" with that girl i knew...i didn't think of it as anything back then.One night he asked if I would be his.. and I told him i didn't know because he had a girl but he told me he wasnt with her any more, he broke up with her because the love isn't there from the beginning... So i gave it a chance the day after.. because i did find him attractive. for the first couple of months we were real good... actually we're on 3 years now. Every now and then i bring up about how he could introduce the girl to me as just his friend when that was his girlfriend at that time. he told me a couple of times that he did it because it didn't matter to him...he didn't like her and didn't love her at all... sometimes i go too overboard and ask over and over again because it does hurt me. i tell him im afraid that he would do the same to me but he would always tell me "why would i do that? you're the person i've been with the longest. I always see you. Ii come to pick you up after work every day. I've been with you for 3 years and I love you so why would you think that?" Then I would bring up about him telling me he liked me from the beginning but yet he did some things with the girl when he was "drunk." he told me "that's nothing, I was drunk. I didn't know and that b*tch doesnt mean sh*t to me. If I could go back into time i wouldn't have done it. plus its not as bad as what u did to me" what he meant there was because when we were going out we went to a party together we drank and what not... then i had to go to the bathroom but there was a line so i waited. this guy came right next to me and told me he was realy drunk and came and hugged me... right when he hugged me my boyfriend walked in and saw it happening so he thought i was cheating on him! i didn't even ask for the hug he did it on his own and when he hugged me i tried to get him away but it was hard when he was putting dead weight on me! so thats what he says as "bad"...he didn't hear my side of the story about that. But what he was trying to say was that what he did was when we weren't together...and what happened with me and that other guy was during our relationship...the fact is: he told me he liked me but yet he did that with the other girl thats why i get scared and jealous about that.and for another... i get reallyyyy scared about him looking at other girls. i hate when he does it. I always tell him over and over that if he knows there's girls around i dont want him looking their way. he tells me its not like he's checking them out. he is just looking around. like last night we went to a graduation for his cousin and there were girls all over. he grabbed my hand and held it but i still had that heart breaking feeling of him looking at girls. i was staring at his eyes while his eyes were looking a different direction. when i tried to sense where his eyes were i thought he was looking at some girls across him. but i didn't make a scene about it there. when we got home i brought it up to him and he told me that i need to stop being a little child, stop being immature. then i told him that i was watching his every eye motion and it was just staring at the girls ways the whole entire time. he said he was looking that way but he wasn't looking at those girls. he didn't even know there were girls there. i kept pushing him and kept asking him until he told me that he did look but it never happened! Then later he told me "its kind of hard to not look because theres girls all around" then i told him see so u knew there were girls..then he said ur being so silly stop being a kid!then he told me to prove to me that he doesnt do that he'll look at me stare at me but he always tells me "ok well the next time...blahblah" all the time.i dont know what to do...sometimes i sense him looking at other girls even though he might be holding my hand or my purse i still feel like he does it. i always bring it up to him. i always ask him "if u know theres girls around dont look their way because u know that hurts me" he always tells me he knows and that he doesn't do that. but whenever theres girls around i feel as if he is looking. and whenever i bring it up to him he just tells me to stop being so childish and that what im arguing about is stupid..i see this guy everyday of my life. we sleep together at night then he takes me home early in the morning so i could help my parents at home. then later that day he picks me up after work. on the weekends i see him everytime. when im with him theres no girls calling him. there is no girls saved on his phone too. but still i get scared of him looking at girls.. i think i feel this way because when he first met me he liked me but he had a girlfriend. i feel that if he goes out without me one time and he sees another girl he might just like her and act as if he doesnt have a girlfriend just like what he did with his exgirlfriend before.oh and one more thing. in his past...(Again) BUT this one is big. before when i didn't even know him he was dating this girl in the mainland. supposedly he didn't want to have *sex with her but she forced him to. she took off her pants and took his out without his permission or anything. and she just went on top him and did her thing because she wanted it. then i guess whatever happened BUT she was pregnant. he found out when he came down to hawaii to live after. he wasnt there for her labor he wasn't there practically teh whole time she was pregnant and he doesn't do anything dealing with that baby because he says he doesn't care about it. the baby mommy doesn't even try to get in touch with him or anything so im guessing she can manage on her own. but it hurts because we talk about having kids one day...and sometimes i bring it up to him and tell him "so when we do have kids its unfair because that will be my first kid while that will be ur second kid" he always tells me "nope. that will be my first kid. i will treat that baby very well ill be there for u every step of the way ill take care of the baby. the other kid with that other girl is nothing to me. its not like i even liked her. shes the one that wanted to have sex shes the one that wanted the baby. i dont have anythign dealing with that baby or that girl. its u that i love its u that i want to have babies with someday and i will treat the baby right" even though he tells me these things he still hurts knowing that he had a kid with someone else. it hurts to know that in the back of my mind if we do have kids one day it will be his second while it will be my first. even if he says our baby together for him will be his first i will still have that feeling and knowledge that it is his second child...Whats any advice u can give me? What should I do about this. i mean i really love this person. He's 26 and I'm 20. kind of a big difference but age is just a number!! i love him and i love spending time with him.. the only time i get really insecure and jealous is if i feel like he's looking at other girls... and sometimes when i feel down i bring up his past and about his exgirlfriends and about him fooling around wiht some girl when he told me he liked me even though we werent going out and the fact that its unfair how if we were to have kids it will be his second and it will be my first kid... but when i bring this up he always says that his first kid is nothin, the girl he had it with doesnt mean anything to her, and when we have kids together he will be there for me and the kid every step of the way and treat the kid great unlike with the other girl because with the other girl he was never there for her starting from when she found out she was pregnant. What should I do? Is there any word of advice you can give me?
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