A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of nearly 3 years said to me today, "if you don't stop being so needy i'm not going to want to be with you anymore".. he has a point i am very needy and if he doesnt reply to my texts i call him asking why, and i'm constantly fussing over him and stuff.i really don't want to lose him, but how can i stop being so needy, when its how i've always been?please please help me!
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female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (22 July 2008):
 I understand why you feel that way. My boyfriend lives 3 hours away and I sometimes have the need to call him a lot, but I have to understand that he needs time for himself and his job since he comes tired from it. There are times I don't talk to him for 3 days because he's so busy, but I still wait.I guess your age is wrong because you said you lived with him, but you have to understand that you can't call him all the time because he may be busy with his job and that's why he can't message you back. Try to put yourself in his shoes. Now, lets say you were taking a long shower because your day was busy and you can't hear anything because of the water. He sends you a message and you don't notice. Then he calls you like 3 times until you answer and he sounds histerical and yells at you for not answering. Does it sound fair for him getting mad? No, right?Now just try to do the same things I suggested you because you really need to keep your mind busy. Also a thing I forgot to add is if you don't have a job, you could get one. You'll get extra money and more peace of mind.Good luck and I hope you are able to control yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just am awful, if he doesnt reply to my texts i call him and go crazy asking why he hasnt, im constantluy fussing over him and making sure he knows how much i love and need him and i want to spend every day with him but he lives two hours away and he thinks i give him no time to himself.
hes right a bout it all but he's left me before when he lived with me, he just didnt come home from work and its made me on edge that he will do it again, i've told him this and he did apologise but i just want to stop being so needy its getting me really down
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A
female
reader, hislilgoobear +, writes (22 July 2008):
 ok what exactly are you needy about? His attention or just obessively needy of him. I too have had this problem with my boyfriend actually I became very needy of his attention because I was fighting for it from his dad he would spend most of his time with his dad and never really hang out with me. What you should do is sit him down and ask him if every once in awhile maybe once a week just the two of you go somewhere and do something maybe even if it's just sting at home cuddling watching a movie. Let him know that every so often you need his undivided attention (meaning just the two of you) and for him to call you sometimes. Do something else to get your mind off of him, steer away from your obsession with him and do some other things this should attract his attention to you more and he should start paying alittle more attention to you which may help with the neediness. It helped me and in fact he now spends alittle more time with me and will turn down his dad to come chill with me even if it's just to play some games or watch a movie away from everyone else. Good luck and I hope that it works for you. It's gonna be hard at first for awhile for if he's for you he'll catch a clue.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (22 July 2008):
It would help a lot if you explained the things that you think makes you needy.
But for now, I think the reason why you're needy is because you don't keep yourself occupied with other things and you're pretty doing nothing in the house. (remember this is just infering).
Now the solution here is to do something around the house. You could take up a hobby. If you don't have one or can't think of one, try to list the things that you like to do and associate them with something. For example, if you like to draw, you could start painting or start drawing things around. If you like to cook, you could buy a cookbook and cook instead of your parents. Expanding your mind could work too. You could start reading books, either fiction or non-fiction. You could also start reading magazines too!
You could also try to hang out with your friends more. They would more likely enterntain you and keep your mind occupied from being so needy.
You could also take up some sort of sport. Try to go outside and play or to some place where people that play your sport gather. You can also make friends easily here.
Now, if you really want your relationship to last, you WILL have the enthusiasm to try to change and stop being so needy. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, there cannot be any "can'ts" from you.
Good luck and I hope this helped you.
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