A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I stop being so jaded and angry towards men - a little background I grew up in a disfuncfional home my dad was physically abusive to my mother and we do not have a relationship - I'm 29 and I've been with two men that well they have been nothing but nice to put it in the nicest term ( those relationships are done) but I hold a lot of anger - I was nothing but nice to these men and they took advantage of me- I'm also angry at seeing things clearly- I'm surrounded by men that are like them - negligent - users- possible cheaters- and my dream of finding a calm respectable man is vanished. I'm disappointed at that because it's all I wanted to have a family better than mine. How can I stop being so angry? I get that all men are not the same but Jesus life keeps showing me men that are not to be trusted at work - at friends - at events - which makes me really depressed because I linked happiness to this family I wanted that I didn't have- and now it's not possible I haven't dated in a long time because I've shut myself out - I don't want to date to find out someone is chasing women online and liking their pictures or taking advantage of my nicessness of having hidden agendas - that is exhausting If anyone has tips on how to maybe find a balance it would help - or maybe let go of this anger
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): Edit:"It now only who you find, but also where you find them."
"It's not only who you find, but also where you find them."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): It may not only be the particular group of men you have dated so far; but it might be your taste in men. You are responsible for your choices. You're mature and experienced enough to know trouble when you see it coming. Take some responsibility if you don't know to get out of his way!
If you have a "type" that usually attracts you; they may be the wrong kind of guys to begin with. If you can call-out all the worst attributes in men; you must have encountered them, and should be able to recognize them soon enough to get-away from them. It now only who you find, but also where you find them.
If you have such a jaded-opinion of men; we pickup on it, and we can read you by your general-attitude and demeanor.
Nature also gives us a 6th-sense to spot women who won't make a good mother to our offspring, or have the makings of a long-term mate. So, some guys may not treat you like their future-wife, or desired mother-of-his-offspring.
What you're seeing negative about men; they are also seeing negative about you. Maybe your hard-life shows on you.
You're being nice to them you say? How nice can you be when you believe most men are no-good? You'd have to fake-it. Or, your vibe sends them signals you have low self-esteem; and an even lower opinion of who they are. So they will treat you accordingly. We're not always as stupid as we look!
You don't look to men to give you happiness. You go out and pursue happiness and make life good for yourself. Then you will attract men who want and deserve a woman who possesses those qualities.
Bitterness will distort things that aren't really bad; and a negative-perspective will sometimes prejudice or poison your mind.
Surely an unhappy childhood has also affected your behavior, and maybe that shows. Nicer-men may avoid you because of it; and not-so-nice men don't mind it. They feel you're somewhat alike and may have more things in-common.
Change your attitude. Get some counseling to help you deal with your trauma from your dysfunctional-childhood; and it's residual-effects on your outlook and opinion towards men. If you see a jerk coming your way, or the minute he opens his mouth; run...run screaming the other way!
If you think all men are so bad, how would you spot a good one if saw one?
Don't seek men in bars or clubs. Go to events and public places that draw nice people in crowds. See yourself as one of them; regardless of your unhappy childhood.
Be nice, don't just pretend you're a nice person hoping you'll attract nice men. They'll see through you. Your opinion about us is reflected through your attitude and the way you express yourself. Even if you're not really aware of it.
Read your post. Tell me if that sort of outlook will not also show through your personality; and effect how you interact with men. That it would not also have something to do with why you only find the worst men, and consistently overlook the good-guys! You need to reset your radar.
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