A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My problem is that I would really like to like oral sex, but I don't. As far as performing oral sex goes, I have many, many problems. The first and foremost is that it simply feels awkward and demeaning to me. Sure, I've tried to think of it like "his pleasure is totally under my control" and get a rush from that, but every time I step up to the plate, that disappears completely, and I instead feel like I'm being used. I feel embarrassed and dirty giving head, which I know is only because it's what I've been conditioned to think, but it's a tough feeling to get rid of. Second, I hate the taste and smell of things down there. The guy I have in mind is about as close as vegetarian as you can get, doesn't smoke, and drinks tons of fruit juice, and yet, even after a shower, I'm repelled by the smell. It just doesn't smell like something I'd want in my mouth. Then, there's sperm. Ugh! I gag just having it in my mouth, and the two times I've swallowed, I actually threw up later. Then there's all this advice I've heard about "it's better if she looks like she's enjoying herself", but I hate it. Really hate it. I do want to give blowjobs, and I do want to like it, but I really don't want to fake liking it. That would just make me feel even more used.I don't even like receiving oral sex that much. I think it feels good, and I'm not self-conscious about how I smell or look down there, but I think it's still awkward and demeaning, even though I've never asked for oral sex. I actually feel bad for the guy who's doing it to me, which pretty much kills any enjoyment I would be getting out of it. The idea of oral sex turns me on. How can I get past all this and start actually liking it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 If you don't like anything about oral sex, then don't do it. No-one is forcing you to. Most men love to have a woman suck their dick, but I haven't seen anything to suggest that it is the law, it has to be done, or there is a penalty if you don't. Plenty of women will share your feelings, and run away from oral sex. Plenty will disagree, and think that a blow job is the best thing ever. We are all individuals, so each person has different ideas about the same subject.
On the other hand, when you truly, truly, truly are in love (or maybe in lust), the idea of giving your partner head is fantastic, the smell turns you on, the sounds and feel of someone working towards an orgasm get you hot too. There is no downside, and you don't feel used or demeaning.
If you are reading lurid articles about how great women should be when it comes to oral sex, or your girlfriends say they love doing it, or you think your boyfriends will think you are useless if you don't, then think again. Sex is not a contest where you are judged. If and when you feel comfortable about doing it, you will be superb. Until then, you have so many negative feelings about oral, I would suggest waiting, and only giving head when YOU feel like doing it, and not when you feel 'under pressure' to do it.
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