A
male
age
51-59,
*omethingeasy
writes:Okay well this may be a little strange, but I dont care. Big whoop. Well I dont care enough to get involved with a female. When I was a kid and in school thats all I did was care. I was a kind and caring person. Just about every female I was in contact with I was intimint with and this was about until age 20. Now I am a full grown adult 24 years old, and over the past 4 years I havent cared at all. Today their was this drop dead gorgues girl just stop dead in her tracks and stare at me. She had intrested all written over her face. But for the love of me, I could give two shits about this girl. I mean thinking about it now, I am truely a fool for not saying anything. Now this isnt a one time thing, it happens very often. Frankly, I am sick of it. I always tell my friends that I am sick of being alone. But since Ive been out on my own since this not caring began. Ive been with 2 females sexually since Ive been 20, and about 5-6 diffrent dates/meetings. Im sick of it. Now Im the type of person that will turn my back on people cause thats how much I dont care. But I want to care again. I want my life to be like it was back in highschool. I always had women around and had a fully fullfiling intimate life. Now I am out on my own, and I want that back. But how can I get to start caring again? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): i stop caring when my wife die and im only 35 we were toghter 9 1/2 yrs and now i want to fix this i dont like the feeling of not caring and becuse i dont care i find it hard to be around pll
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): I think you need a female who actually challenges you, not just "fulfills the requirements" on the chart. Good looks & social status & career & decent conversation are not all there is in a partner.
This need isn't just specific to females. We all need people who really hit hard & reasonate with us sometimes. Friends, lovers, colleagues, family, etc.
In my case, the world's ways of measuring "good" people usually just produces "good" women who bore me to death. There's no specific reason not to like them but I'm just not interested in most of the ones I meet. There's a huge difference between failing to dislike someone versus actually liking them.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (6 November 2007):
Somethingeasy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well thanks anonymous. Very insightful. I read it, and still can say that my self-esteem slash confidence is high. Reguardless of which you might think. I would like to learn more on the subject, and even start seeing a shrink, I would like to work this problem out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Dear: I really hope you read this . What happened to you is that you became an Emotionally Unavailable Man. Self Esteem is more than being succesful in life. You've been hurt a lot and became cold hearted towards feelings in general as a defense mechanism. The problem is that this is a deep issue. If you think you know it all and have so much control over your problem then why come here asking for help? Obviously you are the one missing something. I'm not guessing here I don't have a PhD but I did studied psychology (BA & MS) and just dumped a guy over this problem of emotional unavailability. I realized I too suffer form it and just bought a book at Amazon called "The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing". I can't tell you nothing about it (have not received it yet) but it's uspposed to be great on the subject because the reviews are very good.
I'm sorry but a bad relationship with our parents is never 'in the past' as you live and bring your hurt inner child wherever you go for a lifetime until you heal him. The bad relationship with our parents become our emotional baggage as we grow up and most people never deal with it because they feel that's in the past and it's inmature to bring that thing back when you are an intelligent independent adult now. Why bother thinking about the past? Well let me tell you the relationship with our parents is our first and most important support system and based on it we develop our personality and social traits. It only takes the childhood to develop a lot of unhealthy paterns that we'll carry to our adulthood. It doesn't necesarily has to do with loving or hating your mother but it has a lot to do with the way you were brought up and the way you didn't learn to trust your feelings. That's why you hide them. Somewhere in your childhood and/or teenage years you understood the only way to not get hurt was by not allowing your emotions and feelings surface.
The people who hurt you in the past hurt you not because of you but because of them. They are the ones who don't know better (specially your mom). She was brought up not knowing how to love herself so she couldn't teach you how to love yourself. She acted based on what she knew at the moment. Is usual for a man to have problems with women when they didn't have a good relationship with their mothers. Most of the time UNCONSCIOUSLY (don't tell me you know you don't do it please because you can't know) The man who have been hurt so much by their mother look to unconsciously heal those problems with mom through their female partners. See why therapy is necesary??
In order to have a good loving relationship you have to heal your lack of emotional trust with counseling or working really hard to learn about this matter. I'm trying to heal myself (I'm Emotionaly Unavailable too) but is very hard eventough I know myself very well and studied psychology and have always been aware of my intimate problems with my family and partners.
The problem is thois doesn't end with you caring about a girl. You may work a lot of courage and approach a girl you really like but then you might start finding flaws in her or trying but failing to really connect with her and there your emotional unavailability will start to emerge again and you'll get frustrated. This monster can attack you at any stage in your relationship. My advice is to learn what is it. Understand that you have it and start working on it. Try to analize yourself. Why you don't care?
It wouldn't surprise me if you meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Dissorder also.
Please read this also:
http://claystarr.blogspot.com/2004/11/emotionally-unavailable.html
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (3 November 2007):
Somethingeasy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay thanks for all the awnsers. And no Im not a kid anymore. I really am 24. As for my self-esteem, I dont think Ive ever considered that an issue, Im a successful person, and never had low self esteem in my life. As for my mother issues, mabey, we never got along when I was a kid, but thats in the past. I think I have put up a major wall and blocked off my feelings and emotions. My only question is how to tare that wall down. There was some truth about me having a bad relationship where I did vow to myself to never hurt like that again, and well I guess I really put that wall up.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 Hi,
Maybe you have come to another stage of your life. You had lots of fun and got it easily, now you don't feel this is giving you the same feeling anymore. It sounds like maybe you will want something more solid and long-lasting than previous relationships? Try start looking for other kind of girls than before, you might just have had a change of preferences, what it is you really would want in a girl?
Hope you will feel better soon!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): I really don't know if I understood your question completely but this caught my attention: "But for the love of me, I could give two shits about this girl". For the love of yourself?? It seems you've been trying to avoid relationships because you are protecting yourself from something wrong you feel it's going to happen to you if you go for it. I'm wondering if it would be because you have been hurt in the past or just don't trust women (perhaps because of your bad relationship with your mother) or find the dating game frustrating because you have low self esteem and when one has low self esteem you don't enjoy challenges. I'm telling you dear this seems like a deep issue you have to dig into your emotions to find out why you have been behaving like this. This is abnormal. The option of anonymous is a good option but it will take you 'light years' to find out why you are feeling like this. Go to a therapist. They'll only ask you a few questions let you talk and figure out what is wrong with you; what went wrogn in your past that needs to be fixed so you can trust believe again in love and in yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): First of all (I've got to call a spade a spade) let's start by being truthful with us in your age. Your age next to your name states 36-40yrs old but you state in your problem that you're 24yrs old. Which is it? Secondly, IF you are 24 or 36-40, I would assume you have received formal education and therefore should have better grammar and would make less punctuation errors than you show in your text - which leads me to believe you're really younger than you state as your text and speech is more fitting of an older teenager. I've been noticing a lot of this behaviour on this website and just thought I would say something. However, if and only if you are indeed telling the truth about your age and I'm completely wrong about my assumptions regarding your age, I apologize and offer the following advice:It seems you have developed a level of apathy over the course of the last few years. You don't let on to any issues you may have had during your formative years - but it seems that there may have been some issues early on that lead you to your apathetic state you are in. Counseling would help in figuring out what the real problem is regarding interpersonal relationships and how you can begin to start the healing process so you CAN start to care again. At 24 (or 36-40) you've still got a lot of living to do so start living. You will one day meet a woman that takes your breath away and you will care a great deal about her. Right now, focus on you and what makes you happy right now. Your mental health is what is really important right now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): hey dude,
girls are looking for someone thoughtful and caring, so i can see why you would be concerned about this. In my opinion I think you should get a few books from the library on life and how to improve it. That is what I did before i was a very negative person and could not give two shit about anything and now I do from reading books. There is also alot of groups on this subject. I hope I have helped you.
-Anymouse
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