A
male
age
41-50,
*enny boy
writes:Hi everyone.. I really need some advice about my relationship. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years now and over the past year, its not been as good and a week ago we split up. The niggles that we have are often over silly things, we split up though over an argument, I didn't (and don't) feel like she gives me the support with my job that she should compared to the interest that i take in what she does, she said that she had had enough of me, deleted me off Facebook.... She is very stubborn, awkward and comes across as childish. I really love her and cant imagine my life without her.. I have felt very down, and I've been hurting at the thought of a future without her.A mutual friend has spoken to her and although I thought she didn't want me any more, our friend says that she was asking after me, doesnt know what to do, and said that if I'm to contact her, not to do it because our friend had told me to.The down side is, she's made out to our friend that I am the one in the wrong..I want to sort this out but I need her to meet me half way and 'both' compromise, see her faults also, and address them.Please can you give me advice on how I am best dealing with this?Thank you in advance!!!!Ben.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 January 2013):
 Auntie Suzie is spot on!!
It seems you have matured more than your girlfriend has and because you cannot change her, it could be you have reached an impasse and there is no choice for the relationship to go further.
You seem like you are prepared to negotiate, but if she isn't prepared to, then going back will solve nothing.
It's only been a week since you split and everything you are feeling is just because your routine has changed and you do not have eachother onhand anymore...this leaves a gaping hole that is painful and unfamiliar...BUT it does not solve the original reason that you were facing.
I think you need a good time apart (at least a few months) to see where the dust settles. Ideally you'd like her to come back to you with renewed ideas to mend the relationship. If you go rushing back, then she will resort to her old ways and things will go right back to being awful!
Seeing as you were together for so long, maybe writing down how you feel (in a hand written letter...so you don't get into the whole e-mail convo)and telling her what you would like for the future and your reasons why, might help her see that with work, things might be salvaged.
It's good old fashioned compromising and taking responsibility for actions that cause harm and problem solving...the strongest relationships survive because of these things.
See how you get on but give her time and space to come back to you with her ideas...if it's unsalvageable...then at least you gave it your best shot!!!
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (11 January 2013):
 While you both are feeling liked the one who has been wronged, you won't get anywhere. Someone has to make the first move - IF you really want to get back with her.
Do you think that maybe things have gotten bad over the past year, because it's possible the relationship has run its course? Have you grown and matured, but your GF stayed behind?
Not all relationships are going to last forever.
If you want to try again, make the first move, say how you feel, and see where things go from there.
Best of luck.
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