A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have an ex-friend who I kinda dislike. But today I felt upset because he was with other people and I felt lonely and like I had nobody. I do have my own friends but I feel alone too sometimes. I want to show him that I'm happy with not being his friend. I do not want to go into detail about why we are not friends. I am not sure how to act around him-whether I should be happy, loud and showoff or quietly do my work. Sometimes he acts cool around his mates when I'm there e.g. laughs and talks loudly. I do not want to be his friend so I don't ever want him to get the wrong impression. I know this sounds harsh but I can not go through with it (being his friend) because of what he put me through. What do I do?
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male
reader, RosesAreRed86  +, writes (7 November 2009):
Nobody "makes you feel" any way unless you let them. And contrary to what you said about not being "able to act [yourself]" at school, you absolutely can. Who is stopping you from acting like yourself? Seriously? The truth is, there hasn't been a single moment of your life when you haven't acted like yourself. The same thing can be said about everyone else. We all have many faces, but it's up to you to decide which one you want to wear. No one else decides how you wear your face or what comes out of your mouth.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I'm not happy because he's making me feel like this. I just want to show him that I am happy wihtout him.
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A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (5 November 2009):
If you were truly happy, you wouldn't be wasting so much time preoccupied with revenge. Happy people don't waste time seeking revenge.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I don't care what he thinks. He's fat and ugly. I just want to show him I'm happy. He's really annoying.
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A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (5 November 2009):
I agree with eyeswideopen. You really sound like you are in Middle School, not age 18-21.
By investing so much time and energy into thinking about ways to show him you are alright without him, you are in essence just giving him more power over you. The very fact that you want to show him you're alright without him, demonstrates that you are not because obviously you still care about what he thinks of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Thanks a lot Trisha. Tomorrow I'm going to go in and act like myself. Not bothered about what he or anyone else thinks. The only problem is I can't act myself at school.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 November 2009):
 If he's a perv and annoying, why on earth would you care what he thinks about you? You should care more about what the mud under you shoes thinks!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 November 2009):
Honestly, the best thing you can do is to get engrossed in your own interests and become completely unaware of his presence. Your little insecurities are niggling away at you and digging little holes and making you feel wobbly. Everytime you have one of those negative thoughts about yourself, recognize it for what it is and replace it with an affirmation. 'I am an amazing person with a great future.' 'I am a wonderful friend and a joy to be with.' 'I have so much to offer the world, I can't wait to share my gifts.'
Okay, so they might be a bit lame, but you get the idea. Pick your strengths and build on them. The only one who can make you feel inferior is you. Okie dokey? Off you go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Thank you for the advice. I just want him to stop looking at me. He's like a perv and annoying too.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 November 2009):
 This doesn't sound harsh to me but it does sound like junior high school. Ignore him, just be yourself and move on with your life.
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