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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm in a situation I don't know how to handle...I've been seeing this guy for a while now. He made it very clear to me that he did not want to be in a relationship right away because he just recently got out of a longterm relationship. So at first I was fine with it, everything was great, until I realized I was really getting attached to this guy. So in an indirect way, I let him know I wanted to be with him. But then came his turn to say something. He told me he loves spending time with me, and he really likes me, and that he even wanted to be with me. Sounds great and everything, until the last sentence slipped out of his mouth..."But I don't know if I trust you."...It hurt, alot. I asked why and he told me because he thinks I'm with other men when I'm not with him. Like if we're together everything is perfect and we're both happy, but if we're not together and he phones me, he'll accuse me of being with another man, when really I'm not, I rarely even talk to other guys.This is really hard for me because when I'm with him, he makes me the happiest person ever. I think I even love him. I want to be with him, but I don't know what to say or do to show him he can trust me, and that I love him and want to be with only him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tinkerbell +, writes (6 January 2006):
If he doesn't trust you there is nothing that you can do to prove it to him. The problem lies within him, he is unable to trust (for whatever reason) and it is old him who can resolve that.
Whilst you can be supportive and understanding, nothing you do or say is going to be the magic wand that breaks that spell I'm afraid. I know its harsh, I wish there was another way but it is up to him to work through his issues.
You do not deserve to be treated in this way, of him accusing you being with other men, and you are opening yourself up to more and more of this distrusting behaviour if you accept it.
If you are determined to pursue the relationship with this guy then keep a diary and put a limit to what you deem as acceptable distrustful behaviour and be sure to make a promise to yourself of what you will do if he crosses the line.
Sometimes, relationships that show signs of distrust early on, progress in a destructive way. Just be clear in your mind as to what you will put up with and what you won't. Remember you do not have to prove yourself to anyone and you shouldn't have to.
Be strong and believe in yourself - you deserve the best!
Good luck
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (5 January 2006):
 This guy has obviously been hurt before, maybe not by girls, but he definitely been let down by someone really badly and that's taken all the trust he used to have away. It's really sad, as these people now can't even trust those who are trustworthy and honest, like you.
I think you both need to talk and get past this. Nothing brings a couple closer than a good, deep, meaningful chat about each other. You need to find out what or who has taken his trust away from him. Then you can work on this as a couple.
This won't go away overnight and I hope you'll be willing to stick with this until it's sorted. Over time, if you work on the problems from the past, maybe even get some professional help, you will get past this and have a great relationship. Good luck.
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