A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I shake this pressure to get married and settle down off? I am a single 33 year old female and everyone around me is married and already at kid number 2. I will only use example of friends and family that I know and say that these marriages are an example of fraud. The husband ignores the wife- the wife can’t atop showing off how happy they are - the wife is thinking about someone else - more post on fb/Instagram etc . My own mother and father have had a toxic marriage one that should have never started but won’t pull the break because it’s cheaper to be married . I don’t mean to sound like a Debby downer but everyone around me is an act and I can see it - I am miserable and every time I am miserable I post on social media - regardless of social media I have developed this negative outlook on marriage and it scares me - I know I haven’t been in love because the only two men I have dated were neglectful- ride and just toxic men .. I have done a lot of self reflection in the past three single years and I want to believe in a healthy relationship but it scares me that I’m not jealous of my friends lives or my parents .. it’s seems like a competition to see who has the best house - best kids - best jobs and I want none of it I am not sure if anyone has felt this way or if I shoudl trust God’s plan in my life but for the first time in my life I don’t know if I want something I have been trained to want since I was young - my parents and everyone around me say “ur such a beautiful woman why haven’t u found anyone” - “think about finding someoen so u can have kids soon” it almost feels like I am nothing unless I get a man and pop out children ..How can I shake this off? I don’t mean to sound negative or judge mental but I truly think the women that I used to be friends with bought into this notion and settled with men that were less than so they could check off boxes faster to ensure they were gonna make itPart of me feels this pressure to conform but there are nights I go on social media and just cringe at these posts Does anyone have any advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2019): I recently read How Do You Like Me Now by Holly Bourne which is kind of about what you're talking about. The act. Yes the act exists and no one is happy all the time. But that doesn't mean it's all an act and no one is ever happy. Focus on what life feels like, not what it looks like. There are no rules.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2019): My advice to you would be to do what you think and feel is right. Fuck society, societal norms and pressures, or whatever anyone says. Ultimately it's YOU who has to fight her own battle and when you're saddled with a life that you're not happy with but have settled for only because it's supposed to be "right", none of these people will come and help you.
I got married despite not really being sure about it but because I felt that I wouldn't find anyone as good as my husband. I was right in a way... He's certainly a good guy... But not a day goes by when I don't miss my old life. We have a son who I love more than life itself but God there are days I wish I was childless and carefree. Being responsible for another human being 24/7 scares and sometimes irritates the shit out of me. There's no way out unfortunately.
Sign up for marriage and kids only when you are one thousand percent sure. Life is not about checking boxes; it's about being fulfilled and truly happy outside all the boxes.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 June 2019):
 Your perception of the world is based on the people you have chosen to observe, seen through the lens of your attitude.
You don't need to be married to settle. Settle down. Settle for. You can choose a life that doesn't include partner and children if that is what you want.
What I'm much more interested in is what positive things you have done in the past 15 years. I'm pretty Sure that with only 2 lousy dating relationships you have had time to really accomplish some things.
College Degree?
Career?
Hobbies?
Community work?
Art?
Home?
Travel?
Let's move this conversation from the things you haven't chosen over to the things you have chosen.
Hobbies?
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