A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, So here is my story, I am feeling really really low, I don’t know where to start a massive combination of things. Firstly I hate my job, I have been here 2 years almost and am treated with no respect. I am 30 and treated like a teenage work experience girl. I work in PR and just hate it, It is a soul destroying job. My boss is a female and a lot younger than me, she loves this and likes to make it now, by putting me down, she is rude to me on purpose and makes my life difficult, Lucky for me, 6 months after I started this other girl on the team (were a team of 3) become my boss who I adore and has made my hell job bearable, she is leaving today and I am back to the misery, I hate working the hours, I work 11 hours a day and am on no money, I do not get overtime etc and yes I have tried looking but nothing, I cannot afford to leave and I have no time to look for another job because I work 8.30 -7.30 Monday –Friday and now... I am stuck with just me and her and she is already gearing up to my life hell... My days are spent crying in toilets. I have enrolled at college to do a masters next year, to become a teacher and I have gotten in and am moving to a new city, but that is still a whole year off. I am also scared I won’t be a good teacher and that I don’t really know my subject, as I mean secondary school Drams is somewhere when you need to know your stuff, I don’t. There are books I am going to read throughout this year, but in truth, I do not understand any of them or it and I think I won’t have the time. So not only is the job situation a problem, but also my love life, I have a boyf who I like, but I am not in love with him, I see him as my best friend, but I know he is company and I love his company. Then man I love, well, that is a story in itself, short of it, love of life, met fell in life, life changed thinks, he got married, we had affair, fell in love madly again, he then got up one day and walked out on me and his wife and everything, didn’t see him for a year I found out he met someone else and was living with her, now his come back and we’ve kissed and says still loves me, it’s but then at same time, his still with the girl and living with her. I email him etc and he just doesn’t get back to me. I do believe he loves me, but I also have woken up finally and realised that if he did want me, he would leave his girlfriend and be with me, we were talking recently and he told me to remember that whatever happens, I am incredible and that I am goddess and he loves me. But as said I know he would be with me. He thinks in the future we will be, but come on I am 30 years of age, I can’t wait for him, as much as kills me, cause I do love him and I have always wanted his children and to grow old with him, his my counterpart.. Yes my boyf know this, were not heavy serious, he knows I am going away in July to start a masters in teaching. Thing is no matter what after 10 years I can’t forget him and his still first thing I think of and last thing at night. I just don’t what will happen now. I also don’t drive, I have no money to do lessons, as all on rent, I don’t own a house, I have little credit card debt and big overdraft debt . I don’t even rent a flat, as I am on like no money. I live in a house share with a friend who is younger them me, 24 and sometimes that brings me down, as was not my choice to go there, she took me in and 2 years later I am still there, she is lovely and all, but we have nothing in common and she is very young. So there you go, my life in a nutshell, and yes I know it could be worse and I know If I hate it, change it, I just want some advice on how I can see the positive in all this.Sorry for taking up all your time, Thanks xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): You sound really overwhelmed and when I feel that way there are three things I like to say to myself ;This too shall pass.This is only temporary.I will do things one step at a time, one day at a time.Do not worry about your teaching, you will have lesson plans and books to work from and your students don't know the subject, so they won't have a clue how much you do or do not know :)Get rid of the married man, he is only giving you a spinning head and an emotional rollercoaster ride. You will think about him less and less as time goes by.I like the advice from the previous gentleman who suggested thinking 'I don't work to get upset, I work to draw a paycheck'.You are doing a great job at securing a good future for yourself, it WILL come. Do you know the serenity prayer?It goes like this...God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference.Also, know this, life is full of choices. Your happiness depends on making good choices for yourself. Bad choices, bad outcome. I hope something of what I wrote might help you, but let me re-iterate ... you ARE doing really well, you are doing your best and you are working towards a better future. You will reap the rewards :) Feel better, please.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Hi, Overall I hope you feel a little better that you have been able to let it out. It's not always an easy thing to do but when done, sometimes it feels like the world falls off. I myself see a lot of positive but that is because I know of worse. About you job I will give you two stories. I myself was working a crummy job with long hours and a bad manager. It was not until I simply decided to leave and I knew I wanted better for myself. I was only able to leave because I had saved a lot of money from working. Maybe that is something you can try to do. I also know of this story on youtube where this guy was talking about his dad. His dad was never late for work and worked for 22 years. One morning he was late by 5minutes because he has to help his son's on the highway. He was suspended for sometime and his pay cut. He son asked him "dam daddy, why didn't u get mad? If that was me...". His daddy replied with a serious face and a straight look into his son's eyes "I don't go to work to get mad, I go to get paid". It's something to learn that you are just doing it for the money. There is always be racism, discrimination, bullying and the list goes on and on but it's up to you if you want it to bother you. Some can simply leave but others just put up with it, coz at the end of the day all that matters is the pay check. If its not working out then find someway to save money and prepare to quit. In the mean time start sending resumes for a new job. My mom as well, was 35 before she had her break. Ever since she was a little teen, she was renting and working, and trying to bring up 2 kids. At 35 she met a man who she was scared to acknowledge. But he kept persisting. One day she said to herself, careful the one you keep pushing away is the one who will be there for you. With that she gave it one last chance and sure enough he was the right one. About you ex, he does not love you. He is just giving you false hope and treating you nice. You believe that he loves you but you are the only one believing this. It is your own choice to be wrapped up around him, to keep thinking about him and the past when you know very well that we do nt live in the past. It is true we can't control our heart but it isn't made of bricks. We can forget about people enough to simply move on and find new loves. Your current boyfriend sounds like a nice guy and the fact that he knows your problems and is willing to stay with you is impressive. I hope one day you can open your eyes and see what is right in front of you, and stop using your ex as an excuse for not falling in love again. About your enrollment in college : That is a very good step. My friend was nervous about her new job as well so I will tell you what I told her. It's no use in worrying about it now. The energy you use to be scared can be better spent preparing for the course, by reading as you stated. It's no use in worrying because it hasn't happened yet. Just take baby steps....one step at a time. Don't be overwhelmed by something that is a year away and don't down yourself before it has even started...there is no logic in doing that. College is something that you chose for yourself so you should love it, since no one chose it for you. Yes it may be hard but anything worth having in life is obtained with hard work and determination. Some people may appear to have it easy but that is their life, not ours and they have their own demons to deal with as well. I hope you come to deal with your own demons a little better and I wish you luck in your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): hey hun I feel for you, you sound really down. I think you have to see the positives in the future. You're doing something about the job you hate. That's a great thing. Yes it's daunting but it's a big step and you should congratulate yourself for making it. Lots of people stay in jobs they hate and never make the change. You are making a change and you should be very proud of yourself.I also think you should try and see the positives in what you have right now. A boyfriend who you say is a good friend. That's a great thing. I'm sure you've got a whole load of stuff that's good in your life, you're just not noticing it at the moment because you're down. Try noticing it and appreciating it. Of course you can always bring more positive stuff into your life. Seriously it sounds corny but if you give out positive vibes you will get positive stuff back. Just try and find things you like about people, concentrate on that and let them know that you appreciate it. You'll be amazed at what you get back.You know the only thing you can do in life is make the best out of what you have and what is infront of you day to day. Things never turn out the way we expect, we just have to make the best out the way things do turn out. Good luck :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Don't mean this to sound patronising but it sounds like you could be depressed and I can identify with how you feel. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and it made me question everything in my life..my friends,job, living arrangements, myself. Its easy when one thing goes really badly wrong to look at everything else that you feel is wrong in your life but you didn't notice so much before. I think the main trigger for you in this is your bad work situation...it's made you look at everything else in your life and question whether you're happy. This in itself is a positive thing because it's making you see your life for what it is and making you question yourself and your decisions. Its easy to say get a new job, get a new boyfriend etc but doing it is much harder. So the best you can do is "edit" what you've already got. Forget the married man, its obviously hurting you more and he is clearly not or is never going to be committed to you-if he felt the same way as you do then he'd be with you now, no excuses, no questions asked. Finish the relationship with your boyfriend...pave the way for someone who is more than a friend, this will be the best thing for both of you. Do not look on being single as another bad thing, look it as being independent and leaving yourself open to a relationship that IS right for you. Make these changes and you will feel like progress has been made. Even if you can't find a new job immediately, you will be able to cope with the current one better because you will be more settled in other areas of your life.In the mean time, start applying for new jobs, then at least you will feel that you're making steps to change things and you will begin to feel more positive because you're taking controlHope this helps x
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