A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:If you asked a girl how she would describe me in three words, she would probably say "Mean, distant and uninterested" To be honest, I'm probably only two of those things. Regardless of how interested I am though, I manage to pull all of those qualities off. To be honest, I've put up such a defensive wall that I make it impossible for most girls to stand even a chance. They usually give up long before I warm up to them. The reason I'm like this is because of my past relationships. My first girlfriend/fiance that I loved and kept near for almost 7 years (since middle school) cheated on me with a druggie in my neighborhood. What made it worst was that this guy basically bullied me through high school. She swore she didn't know that part but it mattered not to me. I broke up with her and it basically shattered my heart in the process.My second and last girlfriend was a lot better in the trusting department until two years into the relationship, I caught her stealing two thousand dollars out of my bank account. Turns out she also did the same thing less than a year into the relationship as well. I knew money was missing but I thought it was some stranger who had gotten hold of my card, not my beloved girlfriend. I broke up with her as well. Now here I am, single again. I've been engulfed into a hobby to push away all of the potential gfs that approach me. I thought I was happier being alone. I didn't need someone to get close and betray me again. That was until I met this new girl at my job. She was very attractive and showed interest in getting to know me. She complimented me and even said she missed talking to me when I was off. I really found it hard to shut her out any more so I gave in and asked her for her number so I could talk to her more. She gave it to me but when I called her the next day, no one answered. I left a text and no one replied. I TRIED to ask her what happened but she basically ignored me and kept walking away. I tried to talk to her again but she never looked me in the eyes and answered my questions half heartidly.Well, Longer story short. I've now rebuilt these walls around me after tasting the fresh pain of rejection. They're more reinforced than ever. The problem is that I'm very lonely now. There's this girl that seems to be interested. She's always calling my name and smiling at me. She once even tried to play with my fingers while I was washing my hands in the break room. I showed very little interest in her because I really don't want to let her in. I DO think she's very attractive but I always push out these thoughts and walk away. She's been showing a friendly tone towards me for the last 5 months but I've yet to even say more than three words to her. I want to be more open. How can I deal with this fear of getting hurt or even rejected.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Most people always let rejection get to them. At the end of the day most people have been heart broken and have been cheated on or hurt by a partner. Some people deal with it while others build up a wall to protect themselves but they end up getting hurt again. The key is to take it in slow steps, you where doing well until this other girl started ignoring you. This new girl that is showing interest might actually just be the one for you and the rest way have been practice runs. Yes nobody likes getting hurt but you cannot let it ruin your life. Start taking it in small steps. Start by saying hello to this girl and asking her how she is, smile and be friendly. Just have some conversation and get to know her. The more you get to know her the more comfortable you will be around her. So instead of thinking this girl is just going to hurt me, just assume that she is a girl who you are trying to be friends with and take your time getting to know her.
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