A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i need a guy to answer this... what can i do to make him obsessed with me again? i use to be the love of his life now he hardly even makes an effort. i need him to call me every night like he use to and to hang out with me like he use to. he says that he loves me but actions speak louder then words. hes done this before then totally changed and was perfect now hes making no effort again so how can i put less effort into it ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (18 September 2012):
So your complaint is about lack of effort, and you ask how you can do exactly the same thing as you accuse him of doing, and you think that’s going to solve anything? Ridiculous! Why is your relationship less intense than it used to be? Because that’s how things are: relationships go through phases. Eventually you get to a point where you feel secure in the relationship and that makes it easier to go through longer periods of time without contact because you don’t need the reassurance. If it reduces somewhat in intensity, that’s a positive sign. People often forget that being taken for granted, in the right way, can actually be a real compliment. Instead of asking how you can put less effort in, why don’t you put more in? Instead of whining and complaining that he’s not absolutely obsessed with you (which incidentally would be profoundly unhealthy), why don’t you raise the subject of slipping in to being too comfortable with him? Because this is the problem: you’re drifting and you need to remind each other once in a while what it is you love about each other. You could set up the discussion about things you could do together, like go on a date once a week, or call each other a couple of times a week, or buy a little gift every so often. Just small things that are out of the ordinary. He can’t read your mind, if you’re unhappy tell him, give ideas and be open to his input too.
I wish you all the very best.
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