A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We are in love and have been since the day we met. There has always been a light at the end of the tunnel in our situation but recently (the last month or so) I have been a little pessimistic about this. Because he has been dealing with emotional and family problems I have been feeling completely neglected emotionally. For some reason, I decided to sign up for match.com a month ago and realized I did so to make up for the emotional part that was lacking. I talked to this guy from my town online a few times but didn't meet up with him. Long story short, my boyfriend found out and accused me of physically cheating on him. Since I didn't, I explained to him the situation and things surprisingly started to get better between us because we agreed to "let go and start over." This happened all within the course of the last five days. For some reason, I made plans to hang out with the guy I was talking to online yesterday since he was going to be at my college the same time I was going to class. We wound up not meeting at school because I forgot to bring my cell phone however he called me later and I impulsively decided to get coffee with him. I felt fine just chatting with him and we had fun, but I have no attraction to him let alone anyone else but my boyfriend. Unfortunately, this guy is serious about seeing if something is going to happen. We didn't have any physical contact what so ever. not even a handshake or hug good bye. However, when I was driving home, I saw that my boyfriend had called me about an hour earlier and I got a deep feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was so adamant about letting my boyfriend know that I didn't meet up with this guy and now I did and even though I know he's probably not going to question me about it since he trusts me, I feel sooo guilty I don't even think that I can hide it. I am shaking and my voice is so unnatural when I got on the phone with him that I can't even realize how he didn't notice. I didn't do anything with the other guy, I just met up with him to basically talk to another person and now I feel absolutely terrible. If I tell my boyfriend that I met up with him today then he is going to most likely break up with me. I mean, I would probably do that too considering that we had many conversations about how I didn't meet up with anyone and wasn't going to and now I did. The thing is I realized that my boyfriend is the most amazing person for me and I really want to spend the rest of my life with him and I fear that what I did will ruin us. Does any one have any suggestions?And if your suggestion is to tell him, is there anyway that will maybe be easier than just blurting it out?Thanks in advance. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (8 May 2009):
 No...
You are trying to justify yourself, and you basically cant.
By signing up on Match .com in the first place you said to your BF that you are selfish and don't care about your BF.
and don't say "FOR SOME REASON" I made plans to see this guy! You know damn well you know why. Thats a crock of crap, You are looking for something else. and you know what, you are entitled top it. But not at the expense of your innocent BF.
You wonder what is the harm in this. Jesus you signed up on MATCH DOT COM WHEN IN A RELATIONSHIP...THATS WHATS WRONG WITH IT!
So why don't you understand that if it kinda seems wrong to you(which is why you are asking the question) its because it is wrong.
How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot and saw your BF on Adult Friend Finder or something like that?
Just have the guts to come clean with your guy and let him decide whether he wants to continue...it should be up to him, not you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): ive learned that no matter what a secret will not be a secret forever. for someone reason ur secret will come out. the best way is for u to let him know before he finds out by him self. that way it wont go so badly. if i were u i would sit my bf down and tell him how much i love him and what u said about realizing that u want to spend the rest of ur life with him and that u cant comtinue to keep a secret from him for him only to find out about it later. let him know what u did but apologize for what u did and that u'll never do it again. let him know that u will understand if he brakes up with you bc u would if it was him, but that u hope he doesnt. let him know how much u want to be with him and that u just needed someone to talk to and after talking with someone that u fealized u dont need that, that u just need him. U dont know how something is unless u try it. i hope everything works out between u two.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Honestly, i don't think you should tell him. Everyone gets to make a mistake or two. You didn't do anything to cheat on him, only to make him think you did.. or to make him uncomfortable. Just realize that what you did has had a worse impact on you than you thought it would and that you have learned from it. Never do it again but forgive yourself for this one time. This is not something that shoudl end a relationship since you didn't do anything, but if you really think it will anyway, then keep it to yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): To be honest if you really dont want to tell him you met up with this guy then dont!
You did nothing wrong you chatted to a guy nothing else.
If something happened that would be a different story but you didnt.
If you still feel really nervous and cant get over it say you did meet up with this guy to be friends but found he wasnt that nice a person or something. ones thing for sure you need to tell this new guy you have a boyfriend and that you want nothing from him than just friendship. i would delete your account on match.com too just so your boyfriend doesnt find it and that it definitely shows this new guy you are serious about your boyfriend. good luck
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): heyy, so wow i see you have a huge problem. well i think the best you could do is tell him or you'll always have that feeling of guilt for not telling him. tell him. say how nothing happened and it meant nothing and STOP CONTACT WITH THE OTHER GUY and tell your boyfriend you did and don't just say it DO IT. and tell him you realized he's the only one for you. and you'd never cheat on him and word of other advice never go to get coffee or a drink or anywhere with another guy again :)
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