A
female
age
36-40,
*abeen
writes:i'm really disappointed in my self. i made a group of friends a year ago and over time i have dissapointed them because they told me they always have to take care of me and my things because i get drunk and loose my stuff and never come on time. everyone has told i need to work on my self i have never had a job and i'm 27 and divorced recently and relied on my husband alot for these types of things. i don't know how i can rebuild relationships with Friends i have already lost. They told me i have said sorry but no change and i feel its now too late because last week again i was late i had to take a friend to to her birthday and got her late by 30 minutes when all her guests were there. i have realized now and willling to make an effort but i don't now how to tell them or repair the damage that has been done. i'm 27 and literlayy have no friends for the same reason
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Change yourself first and make sure its a permanent change. Then and only then try to reconnect with your old friends. If they can see the new you they may give you another chance but you have to first earn it by showing them you have already changed. This means you're just gonna have to go it alone for awhile and learn to rely on yourself like an adult. If you need help to change then see a therapist, think of it as investing in yourself.Your friendships have been one way streets with you not giving back and only taking or hindering them. You need to change first before you even think about trying to mend those relationships because they will not want anything to do with the present you. If they see the new you who has a steady job and maybe even other commitments you're successfully fulfilling like community involvement then it will prove you've changed and will reciprocate their friendship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): OP I've had friends like you, and I say had because they're not my friends anymore. Like you they were all talk and no action, they say sorry, say they'll change and never do. OP it's not hard to be on time the fact you don't arrive on time when you say you will is purely a selfish thing. It means you don't really give a crap about others or you'd make sure you were reliable.
If you want to change OP you'll shut up about changing and just change. You will never be late again to anything even if it means you have to get ready an hour before you normally would start just to ensure you have to time to sort out anything you forgot in your plans for preparation.
The drinking thing is the same thing OP, pure unadulterated selfishness, your loss of control means the night always has to be about you and you losing it. Where's the fun in having to look after a messy drunk all night and watch as yet again they get wasted and make fools out of us all?
OP you have a very shitty attitude and you need to change it. People like you always talk about how you will change or that you're willing and never actually do it. Time to change your thinking and your language to "I am changing, I'm doing" not "Trying, making the effort" or any of that bullshit, you're either doing or you're not, making an effort or trying is what wasters use as an excuse.
I mean you were relied upon to take a friend to her own party and yet again 30 minutes late. The simplest of things OP and you messed it up, can you really blame people for thinking you're selfish and don't care about them?
You can say the words OP but if you can't walk the walk then your words are bullshit.
OP the only way this will ever get fixed is if you change yourself into a person that always does what they say they will do when they say they will do it. OP no one wants to be friends with a person who can't be relied upon for even the simplest of things, being reliable is the easiest thing in the world, you just don't tell people you will do something if you can't and you always follow through with what you say you will.
Either do it or don't, never try, only do.
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