A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 4 years always avoids conflict so we don't argue. That is annoying considering we stay silent rather than face solutions. For example it's New Year's, she is working at her Xmas party till midnight. Because she is working I can't meet her. What annoys me more is she hasn't mentioned it. And to make matter worse she is desperate to see me, however she won't discuss it. She just hasn't progressed in life, and when we have money issues I'm left with nothing to do if I cannot do anything myself.
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (16 January 2017):
 Tbh I think she needs to start acting like an adult from the sound of it, like she needs a kick up the a^^^... The question is HOW have you managed to sustain a four year relationship with such POOR communication... arguments make a relationship STRONGER when you OVERCOME them... it seems like neither of you are making each other better people atm...Have you tried asking her how she feels? If she feels she can be open about her feelings, she might be more receptive to engaging in conflict. Tbh her behaviour is VERY immature, and she doesn't seem like shes all that able to reason/ compromise with people! If she can't even hear her bf of four years out, she would be a nightmare to live with... she should AT LEAST have tried to compromise on the party thing (which doesn't make a lot of sense, it's NYE she should have consulted with you more about it and made more effort to not just shut you down when you have wants)She honestly sounds like someone who is very apathetic and no ambition for self- improvement... some people don't respect these people... however long it's been, you may care for each other, but if you're constantly resenting her, angry and frustrated, losing RESPECT it's not going to work... compatabilty and respect are two major components of a relationship.So try one last time to get her to be open and compromise. Based on her reactions then REALLY evaluate whether you want a future with her. Good luck!
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 January 2017):
 You just have to start making your own arrangements. She can join in if she wants. It seems sad because she doesn't want to plan for any sort of shared occasion.
I don't quite get what you mean when you say,"She is working at her Christmas party till midnight.
If it is a party it is voluntary, and surely she would want to be with you when midnight chimes?
Also when you say: "She just hasn't progressed in life, and when we have money issues I'm left with nothing to do if I cannot do anything myself."
Do you mean she is in a poorly- paid job?
It seems to me like this relationship is wearing thin. You either need to have a heart to heart and sort out the issues, or start separating your lives to the point in which you go different ways. It feels like you have started on that road already.
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