A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I desperately want to reach out to my ex. We were dating for almost 2 years. But I cheated on when I went to college. I feel horrible and guilty about what I did. I hate myself for ruining our relationship. I miss him so much but I'm sure he hates me. I tried to move on and forget about what we had but I see him in every guy I meet. I really miss him and I want to talk to him again but I'm scared of what he would say and do. I feel like I don't even deserve to think about him because of what I did. How should I reach out to him? How do I get over him if he moved on? What should I say to him? I apologized a lot already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI kinda panicked and sent him a msg on fb he said he forgave me from the beginning and he was just upset that I lied. I still mad at myself but with time I think we can start over :)
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 June 2015):
 I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this.
The thing is that what you did likely hurt him as much or more than losing him has hurt you. I say this because you understand that the pain you are feeling is a consequence of your actions - that, essentially, you are responsible for it. The cheating, on the other hand, was your choice and although he may not have been the perfect partner to you, basically he found himself suddenly and unexpectedly in pain over actions for which he was NOT responsible and likely hadn't done anything to deserve. See what I mean? He had none of the role in it and none of the excitement of being with someone new, but he got all of the pain that comes with learning that someone you love deeply has hurt you beyond repair. Imagine feeling the way you do right now, but over something TOTALLY beyond your control. Pretty awful, right?
You learned your lesson and apologized, which was the mature and respectful thing to do. But the apology didn't create an obligation for him to forgive you and take you back. That was and still is entirely his decision to make. Many people can't find it in themselves to stay with someone who cheated even when marriage and children are involved, so his reluctance to stay and work on things over a less permanent sort of relationship is not surprising.
It's worth noting that he likely has trust issues of his own after his experience with you. Those issues may take years to heal, if they ever do at all. From his perspective, a second relationship with you would likely be a bad gamble - he'll have a hard time trusting anyone, let alone the person who gave him reason not to trust in the first place.
Unfortunately it sounds like he has moved on - or is trying to - and it's time for you to do the same.
Good luck and best wishes moving forward.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): Maybe you should write him a letter. It's kind of cliche I know. But. You can send it to him through email, what have you. Tell him everything you just said. You will get it all out at once. Tell him you feel guilty everyday, tell him how sorry you are, you still love him and miss him after all this time. End it by giving him the opportunity to go on a date. Sounds like you need closure, if he has moved on then you will know for sure. Hope I helped. My relationship is a hot mess right now. Best wishes!
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