A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For once, this question is not about me!My cousin is 33, she's autistic and she is with this guy who takes her money and is working his way through her ISA's.She has lived with him for 3 or 4 years now, she doesn't have a key to the house, has to be home for lunch at 1pm every day, is dangerously thin (through malnourishment), and has been told she cannot go out after 8pm because that is when her 'boyfriend''s family goes to bed. She is not even allowed to watch TV!, but because she is an adult, albeit vulnerable, the police and social services won't get more involved because she chooses to do it, and I think her autism is causing her not to listen (or similar.)My auntie and uncle and other 2 cousins are at their wits end, so, won't have anything to do with him. On Wednesday, my auntie, my mum and her are scheduled to go and see a musical on Buddy Holly.Because I am not involved in this (despite being her cousin) my auntie asked me to talk to her, which I did, to say how glad I was she is coming to the musical.However, she said (her boyfriend was in the background so I don't think it was her decision!) she would only go if just her and I went, as she thinks that her parents and my mum are trying to split them up.What Shall I tell her ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for the advice.
An update for you:
First of all, she said she was coming tonight to the show, then not, then she was, and she phoned me yesterday to say she isn't!
She asked me to go to see a show with her on my own a week on Sunday. Despite the fact that I'm busy on Sundays (even though I couid be flexible), I don't really want to go! Her parents want me to though, as they say she sees me as 'the golden boy' (the one who hasn't got involved.) If I don't go, maybe it'll make her think that she's shutting her family out? What do you think?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2015): HiI work in the social care system in the UK and am on the autistic spectrum myself.I do feel for you and it must be heartbreaking to see your cousin being treated in this way.As you say your family have contacted both social services and the police you know that it's difficult to get help for an autistic adult that's being abused. We no longer lock people away because they have a learning disability. People have rights so as adults they are allowed to make their own choices, both good and bad. If she is losing weight because she says he is being starved you could contact social services again. If she is doing it by choice you could urge her to visit the GP. People with anorexia can be sectioned through the mental health act.Have you contacted NAS (National Autistic Society) to see if they can give you any guidance? Here: http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/find-nas-services-in-your-area.aspxAnother way of looking at it would be to approach the problem in the same way as you would if she wasn't autistic ie contact women's domestic abuse groups, here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320004Your cousin must live independently so she isn't deemed incapable. Try talking to her as you would anyone else in the same situation. I take issue with some of what the previous poster wrote but particularly when she described autism as a debilitating condition. Autism is on a spectrum and although some people are severely affected by it (in which case they live in local authority care) many people (myself included) live perfectly normal, happy, abuse free lives.
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A
female
reader, Prettywoman78  +, writes (18 June 2015):
Well if her life is threatened as you say it is by being dangerously thin from malnourishment then action needs to be taken based on those grounds alone.Sometimes we must intervene on behalf of those who cannot take care of themselves.Autism is a life long disorder. These are not monetary lapses in judgment. She just does not know any better. And the situation will never improve. It will continue around in a vicious circle. She will never be able to truly take care of herself. She is not capable. Her dead beat loser of a BF knows this. He is taking full advantage of her. And she is incapable of making better choices. So essentially she is living in a prison. Not of her own making. But the making of her disorder.Yes she is an adult but she also has a debilitating condition. And requires support. Her choices are not sound and are impacting her negatively all around.I believe she may need to be institutionalized for her own good. There are facilities which take care of people with special needs and those with intellectual disabilities. At least in their care, she will be fed properly, housed, and be free of this parasitic low life of a user boyfriend.I think she needs to be as healthy as can be under the circumstances. All she is doing is carrying extra weight from her burdens from her living and domestic situation which she does not need.But yes somebody needs to intervene. And somebody has got to fight much harder for her rights!Her parents are her best advocate! They need to keep on fighting for their daughter. Never give up. There will always be roadblocks. Find a way around them.
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