A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have found myself deeply attracted to a "player" I have known of his past and all his sexual encounter/flings he has told me about them!We have been on 3 dates and the 4th one is scheduled for this week,we may either do lunch or dinner!he has expressed that he is attracted to me and I am very aware he has not changed his ways!because he told me he is not looking for relationship, considering he has decided to leave the city for a job promotion that has been offered to him. It's still being decided so he is unsure!he pretty much hinted all he wants is a fling,here I am playing with Fire wanting more out of this player!He told me he finds me very attractive and he can himself with me and doesn't have to try too hard!when we meet we talk about world affairs,politics,spiritual beliefs,family work!we spend hours only talking for over 5 hours straight talk in a coffee shop..(we haven't kissed not even a peck on the cheek) I really am very attracted to him but I don't know if I should go ahead with this considering all he wants is a fling.what do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToday I went on another date (lunch dates) we have been on 2 more dates since my last post!
And I asked him where this is going and made it clear I don't want flings,he said he made that proposition on the first date long time ago and when I said no he said that's forgotten I did not even bring it up after and said he would like to know me in a non physical way and stressed we wouldn't do anything!so il be going on a couple more coffee and lunch dates!
We spoke for hours again and he did not want to leave but had work so he had to he texted later saying how he wanted to stay and felt sad leaving me!he said he really liked me and wants to get to know me better
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (20 June 2015):
 You are attracted to him because he is attractive .... he is able to have intelligent conversations, he has let you know he is attracted to you, he is affable, and appealing on many, many levels ..........
Have your dinner date, or lunch, or whatever, continue to play flirty, flirty with him, he has all the time in the world, the sex, when it happens, might be good or might be crap, whichever it is he will be able to walk away with a clear conscience, afterall he has been upfront and honest in letting you know he is not interested in a relationship, and you, well, you will have to live with the consequences of your actions and only you can decide if it was worth it or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I will meet him on a couple more dates for coffee and dinner!i told him about being celibate for now,he seems okay with it!but he hasn't made a move yet!
I know many of you would just be like how stupid she is going thru with this but honestly I am just enjoying his company we talk for hours over coffee!if ever he does something I am not comfortable I will walk away!i don't know why I am so attracted to him!
He texts me but I reply sporadically then when he doesn't text i casually text him!but he never calls I wish he called me!
Ugh okay I need to stop talking now lol
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2015): You say "He isn't aware of my attraction towards him" Oh but he is!
You've been on 3 dates with him, he's told you he's attracted to you but doesn't want a relationship and you haven't run a mile. He knows you have potential otherwise he wouldn't be bothering to see you again. Your call .....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2015): Google an image search of "bedpost notch"
Would you like to be one of those?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 June 2015):
 If you can stick to a PLATONIC friendship then why not?
BUT I do find it pretty common that women think that if a player seems interested she can "change" him by being the "best GF in the World" and life... doesn't work that way.
He isn't interested in a relationship and you aren't looking for some casual hook up sex, so who knows maybe you can just stick to being friends..
However, if you think he can't sense if you are attracted ti him, I think you are fooling yourself. Guys like him LIKE the girl who WANTS more, because they are less likely to lose interest in the guy, at least until he has HAD his fill. And they know JUST what to say.... So just proceed with caution.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2015):
 you keep enjoying his company without the sex... that's fine.
if he's a player trying to get in your pants he'll go poof once he realizes that you aren't going to drop your drawers for him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2015): Oh OP!He is warming you up. Doing all he has to do to set up a foundation. To get you to open up. To trust him. To have a "friendship" with him. To want him. To eventually have sex with him.You are coming up with all these excuses as to why you should remain "friends" but really your feelings are already involved. You see that, right? So you are looking for permission to get involved sexually. It's like you need justification. Your heart says yes and your head says no. But knowing your feelings are already involved, having sex with him is going to prove very hurtful to you in the long run. Depends on how long you let it go on for. He may just have sex with you once and then say it was a mistake. How would you feel then? Do you really want to put your precious and beautiful heart in the hands of this experienced and seasoned player who is going to use it all up, abuse it and then spit it out? And then when you cry, he will say to you he told you all along it was just sex?My married guy lured me in by being honest about not wanting a relationship and that he only was interested in a friends with benefits. That his wife did not have sex with him anymore and he had been celibate for ten years. Uh huh! Seriously? I believed it all. And he landed me. See how he did it? Sound familiar? The only difference is yours is being up front about all his conquests. Mine likely had many of them but pretended not to have any! Like it was his first rodeo! I don't think so. But vulnerable me who had and still has feelings for him believed him! And what do I have a year later? The pain that goes with now being in love with him and him still using me happily without leaving his wife. Nor will he ever. So my pain comes from being with a man who is using me for sex and my pain will come from leaving him knowing I have no future. I will be facing pain no matter what. And I am facing it everyday.Don't be me.You can still walk away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what isf we keeping hanging out when we are free in public places atleast that's what I told him!he isn't aware of my attraction towards him!
I just want to continue enjoy his company minus the sex!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2015):
I know what you are asking.... and thinking... even if you are not sure what or why you are asking.
Wow this guy gets kudos for learning to play the honesty card so well.
He is being honest. The honesty is he wants sex for a short period of time...nothing more nothing less.
He's probably got another girl right now that he is transitioning out as he transitions you in.
Situations like this start out with the partner who does not want a commitment (him) being everything they know how to be. Warm, supportive, talkative, open, attentive etc... then you get comfortable and stop listening to their words (I only want sex, I don't want a commitment) and start thinking "oh he really likes me, it will be different with me, all i have to do is let myself be open with him and sleep with him, having sex will make him realize how he REALLY feels about me"
but it won't happen that way.
after you start having sex... the dates will taper off as will the attention... and then you will start being clingy and wondering 'How he feels about you" so you will seek reassurance from him. The more you seek it the further away he pulls...
then you come here and ask us what we think and we will say "stop sleeping with him and watch him disappear"
and we won't even call him the bad guy because he has told you the truth... no relationship...
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place...
you really like him, having sex with him will make you like him more....
and it will lead to your getting hurt.
I hope you can find a way to just say no.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2015): Don't take it any further. Understand that the more invested you become, the more difficult it will be to break away and the more you will suffer for it. It simply isn't worth it. As other women from the past and present surface, you will become more and more resentful and stressed. Be with someone who loves you and wants to be with you......only you.
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female
reader, chillpill  +, writes (18 June 2015):
 well dear first i would like to know what kind of person r u? r u the one who once falls for a guy then there's no looking back or can you just make out n den then decide hes not the one and move on? if you fall in the first category then stay away from him as hes being upfront to you that hes not looking for a relation and you may end up hurt if u get emotionally carried away. if u can handle the fact that hes probably gona leave for a new job and you are ok that ul nvr see him again and you are just physically attracted to him then it depends if you wana take it ahead maybe just till makeout. Gals most of the times get emotionally bonded to a guy after sex hence avoid it in this case.
Hope this helps :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2015): "what do I do?"
He told you he is not looking for relationship and all he wants is a fling.
Believe him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (18 June 2015):
This guy wants to have sex with you, that is all ...... he has been very upfront and honest about this.
He sounds like an experienced man, and he is playing you like a fiddle, a little cerebral stimulation here, a spot of confession about his past there ...... all designed to trick YOUR brain into thinking he is more than he is, and that is a man who wants to have sex with you.
If you simply want to eventually, after being played like a well tuned musical instrument, want to fall into bed, or on the couch, with this man for some sex, then continue as you are. But, if you are wanting a relationship, or even the vague hope or promise of a relationship, he has quite clearly told you that will not happen.
I believe once you have sex with him you will beat yourself up because of it. Its your choice, you know all he wants is a fling, you need to determine if you are okay with that, or if you deserve something better.
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