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female
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anonymous
writes: My b/f recently got a new friend---the friend is smart and nice BUT i don't like his lifestyle--his girlfriend is pregnant and the girlfriend and family live about 3 hours away--he is into real estate and also does some other work so i guess they pay for him to be away right now. But he goes to bars and clubs etc etc..To me--he just seems like a little boy even though he is in his 30's and if its only 3 hours away--he should be driving there on some weekends than hanging out...Its none of my business, i know that BUT i'm worried he will be calling my boyfriend to hang out---These are my standards--i really am not ok with a b/f going to bars. Dive bars/sports bars may be ok but my b/f isn't into sports and the bars in his area seem like party bars with lots of girls and it just seems like a singles scene to me.Anyway--I'm worried this friend is going to be calling him like every week--to me, i don't think its right..just because your g/f and family are not around--why do you need to call my b/f to go to bars? After we all went to eat one night and getting into the car he was mentioning to my b/f oh i was calling you this week and my b/f says i have been working and the friend then said well what about after work? It just really annoyed me, I wish they weren't friends.Do i not say anything to my b/f until something happens--like if he starts telling me oh i am going to a bar etc etc? Should i try to see my b.f more?I hate that the friend has a baby on the way and doesn't seem responsible to spend more time with his g.f--and is calling my b.fThe friend even said oh my g/f was having trouble at one point so i paid for her to go on vacation with a friend. And then he says i need time too..i basically told him--you paid for your girlfriend to go away from you? I read between those lines so clearly especially after he said oh i need time too. He doesn't want to be bothered obviouslyWhat should i do--not say anything until i notice something happening? or do it before hand and say--i hope he doesn't call you every week or whatever(my b.f never went out often without me--so now it would be weird if it started happening) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 I think you are jumping the gun here. If your boyfriend's behavior towards you or habits haven't changed then what's to worry about? If things do start changing then I'd sit him down and have a chat about it. Relax and enjoy your relationship.
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (14 May 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,I don't understand why the friend's lifestyle has you all worried. And these flaws you point out only seem to be assumptions you've made. How do you know what the relationship of the friend is with his partner? How do you know he wasn't being nice by sending his partner out on a vacation? And furthermore, why is it any of your business?It seems to me that the problem here isn't really the friend, but the fact that you have trust issues with your boyfriend for some reason. I think *that* is what you need to concentate on here. And I think *that* is what you need to have a frank discussion with your boyfriend about.Forget about the friend - he is not the real problem here. Concentrate on the core issues at hand.Take care.
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