A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.I've just been through a break up that was mostly my own fault. I said something stupid, and so she dumped me. I'm left feeling stupid and embarrassed by it. How can I pick myself up and move on? I really hate that I have to accept responsibility for what happened, but there's no way around it now, so I just want to know how I can get my pride back, lift my head up and not feel ashamed that I ruined a fun relationship.Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, onlinecounsellor_Dale  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 Hi
Unfortunately, you have just experienced firsthand that the consequence of reckless or thoughtless words/behaviour can be the loss of relationship you value. A tough lesson I know, but it will stand you in good stead for your future relationships (poor consolation now I guess).
In order to move on, you don't need to like your ex's decision to end the relationship, but you do need to accept it and respect that she (and many others) demand better treatment from their partner. Second, offer her a heartfelt apology (if you haven't already) and ask for her forgiveness. Your apology shouldn't be designed to 'get her back' or have any agenda other than letting her know you regret what was said and that you are sorry for hurting her.
Finally (and most importantly), you need to forgive yourself. Learn from your mistake. We all make mistakes in relationships. No one, regardless of how mature, experienced or skilled at relationships they are, says the right thing all the time. It is only when we keep repeating the same mistakes and/or knowingly causing hurt, that there is a real problem.
I hope you can feel better about yourself and the situation soon. All the best,
Dale
www.daleecounsel.com.au
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