A
female
age
30-35,
*lley:)
writes:Hi everyone, im kind of new to this website and internet chatting but needed some advice. My boyfriend of a year and a half has been caught out lying to me numerous times about a drug problem that he's trying to overcome. But now i caught him out lying to me about being out with girls. I feel like i cant trust him at all, but i also feel partically to blame as if i didnt put pressure on him to give up drugs or got in a stroop when he was out with other girls, he wouldnt have lied. I feel to make this relationship work i must get over my insecurities first about him picking drugs, or his friends over me. I just dont no how to over come these insecurities, any advice?....
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female
reader, alley:) +, writes (28 June 2010):
alley:) is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replys, by reading them i have realised its not him with the problem...its me. I need to be brave just dont know how yet. Hopefully it will all work out itself :(.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 You listen to me. You are absolutely NOT to blame for his actions. Do not even begin to take that on yourself, and don't let him push it on you either. He is a liar, and he would have been had you been there or not. Don't ever take that on yourself. This is NOT your fault in the slightest.
I've known people on drugs, and they're master liars, manipulators, and some are out and out thieves. They've learned how to make the person they're with take the blame for THEIR failings and lies.
You said yourself that he had a fit with you when you got on him for his drugs and cheating. This isn't about your insecurities. It's about him not wanting to change. Because he doesn't want to change, you need to drop him, and drop him now.
I just got done saying to someone else on here that a relationship can never rise above the lowest common denominator, and that he will drag YOU down to his level, rather than you try and get him to change to be on yours.
Your real insecurity is manifesting in your staying with him and exposing yourself to his self-destructive spiral. Get out while you still can! You're 18-21, and if you don't get out now, in 5 years, you'll have a kid or two and be a hollow shell of who you are now.
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A
female
reader, tmisty777 +, writes (13 June 2010):
 These other girls are "Friends", right?
I would stay insecure until he proves himself to you, what kind of drugs does he do?
I have became suicidal before, and had gotton into pills- not druggy drug pills, but overdosing on such sleeping pills or even ibuprofin- to get me that numbing buzz.
One reason for drugs is to have no pain and to forget about everything- to get him over that maybe you guys can go out more and have great days and evenings with each other! He won't want to forget them and he will be happy,
When he wants to hang out with his "friends", ask if you can come with. If not, and he's hanging out with girls, just state that you don't want him hanging out with them. If you can' deal with how the relationship is going, get out of it. Just say that it doesn't seem like I'm most of your life aymore, and you'd be better off without me so you can freely do your drugs and hang out with your friends.
I have no experience in this type of relationship, but I hope this might havfe helped a little bit!
There are other men out their dying to make a woman happy- find him, whether it be in the guy you're with now, or someone else!
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