A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry if this is long but lately I've been having really negative and pessimistic feelings about love and I feel like I need someone to talk me out of it and/or give me hope. I'm an 18 year old girl. I have good self esteem and I'm generally a happy person and I love myself (but it hasn't always been that way.) I've been in many relationships, some lasting more than a year and some only a few months. When I was 15, I dated a guy that was borderline sexually abusive to me (he would pressure me into oral sex and if I said no, he'd threaten to dump me, and I didn't want to lose him so I listened to him, he ended up cheating on me with 2 girls). I haven't spoken to him in 3 years, but that relationship did have a big effect on me (made me have trust issues, scared to get intimate, etc.)this past year, I started dating someone that I was really into. He was 2 years younger than me (he was 15 and I was 17 when we were together) but something about him made me like him more than any guy I dated or knew before him. Although he didn't use me for sex or anything like that, he always sorta acted like he didn't care that much about me and deep down I knew he wasn't as into me as I was him, but I was in denial and I gave him excuses, and believed the ones he gave me. I would've done anything for him and I liked him just as much after a year as I did when we started going out, but he dumped me because he "didn't have any feelings for me" and it really crushed me. I hate how I cared about someone and gave them the power to do that to me, and I don't want to do it again. That was a few months ago. I'm pretty much over it now, I don't have feelings for him anymore and I'm happy being single. But a couple months ago I started talking to this guy. He's 21 and we've got a lot of common interests and compatible personalities, and he's told me he really likes me and I can tell by his actions too. We talk every day and I'm developing feelings for him. But I am very reluctant to have feelings for him and it scares me. I'm comfortable with where I am right now and I don't want to get hurt again. I even kinda decided that I never want to get married or live with a guy, because I feel like 99% of the time, the man I'm with will eventually either get bored and fall out of love with me and leave, or cheat. I told the guy that I've been talking to that I'm scared to get into a relationship again and he told me he would take it slow and earn my trust. But I don't know if I'll ever get over this fear. What can I do to stop being so jaded and scared? Thank you for taking the time to read this and help me out.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (24 March 2014):
Never is a long time. Right now I'd say listen to your heart and take 5 from dating. For someone so young, you've had some negative relationship experiences which included an instance of abuse. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you told someone and got some help and support dealing with it.
Baby girl, you are so young and have a future ahead of you which might include a husband and babies and a lovely home and fantastic job. Your time will come to be loved and truly love someone who deserves it. I'm worried that by dating guy after guy, you might be trying to fill a void in your life. What that is, I don't know.
Fill that void with family and friends for now and focus on you. Let life take care of itself and let the future unfold in good time.
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