A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a serious, 4 month long, long distance relationship with a girl across the country. We've never had a fight, and only minor relationship problems, nothing even close to causing an end to our relationship. We have had plans for a while now for me to go visit her this summer, and be physically together for at least a month before I need to return.But 2 nights ago, she told me that she couldn't take the pain of us being across the country, and that she "couldn't see us together" and that she wanted to break up. This was a complete surprise to me, as it came out of nowhere. The last time I had talked to her before this, we were both perfectly fine, talking like we normally do, saying we loved each other, etc. But she said she had been thinking about it for weeks now.We talked on the phone for hours (both of us crying for almost the entire time) and at first she was saying that she wouldn't change her mind, that we were definitely breaking up. This whole time she was still continuing to say that she loved me, and that maybe in 3 or 4 years, when we would be able to be physically together, we could definitely try a relationship again, and until then we would just be friends. After a few hours of this, and me telling her that I thought that the fact we loved each other, and were happy together were far more important than our distance apart, she eventually started saying that she felt stupid and that she "ruined a good relationship". She then said she wanted to keep trying the relationship. She has promised me that she genuinely does want to continue dating me, that she is not just continuing because she doesn't want to hurt me. For 2 days now she's been saying that all she wants to do is forget it ever happened, and try to continue on with our relationship the way it was before (which we have had some minor success with doing that so far, having had a few brief happy conversations about unrelated topics like we did before). She says that she's no longer worried about the long distance aspect after discussing it with me.I love her, and I'm happy that we're together still. But I'm scared that this might happen again (even she promised me that it won't), and even though I'm not mad at her (I truly do forgive her), I'm still hurt from the entire experience. I've told her both of these things already.How do I move on from such a thing? Is there anything I can do to improve the situation?
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female
reader, Xplicit4life  +, writes (7 January 2011):
It really hurts to know especially if you have giving in all of you into what you truly believe in. On her part i think she is just being emotional and doing that was the best way withing her powers at that point in time to convey her message to you.Communication is the basis for any relationship. My advice is this look for what truly makes you happy and stick to it because you know it. IT IS YOUR LIFE.
A
male
reader, xXRyanXx +, writes (4 March 2009):
Honestly it's bound to happen, I broke up with my gf for basically the same reason and we got back together and we've been together for a year now. Our relationship basically started out as a long distance relationship and we've been good and still holding on for a year now and still have to for another year. Don't hold it against her because it's really hard and it will get to you sooner or later.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): She is going to hurt you again.. Believe me, she will..
Why?? Well, she says she loves you right.. She knows she is hurting you, but she does it anyways.. Take my advise, take her advise now, BREAK up.. You will end up hurt for a raltionship you never really had
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): ... I sympathise with the person that asked this question... I myself am in a close friendship/relationship with my gf from Ghana, West Africa. We have been dating for fifteen months now. She tried to come over in July last year and was refused entry to England. I myself tired to see her in Ghana, November last year and I was also refused entry..... It is very challanging. My advice is to talk things through with her. Personally, I hope she has not hurt me as well. She depended on me, and now she is more independent now she is working.. She says she loves me and I believe her. LDRs takes a lot of communication between the two people.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 She is missing out the physical intimacy part where you can spend more time by her side. Try to see her as often as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): Well this is going to be a tough thing to cope with. I myself, am in a LDR, me being in Georgia of the States and he in England. So i do know how she feels, being away from the one you love is hard, even more so when kinetic, and she sounds as she is.
Sadly, you cant just move your pawn back after a bad move in the game. So, you will never forget what happened or her words. And though she says it won't happen again...if she breaks after ONLY 4 months, how long do you plan on being separated?
Personally i don't think she's ready for such a commitment..and i DO think she will do it again. All you can really do after that, is talk about it. And talk about HOW she feels, and how its different than before. Talk about possibly relocating sooner than 5 years. This is going to take effort from BOTH sides to work, and so far, i only see you being the one to make the effort.
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