A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone, Here is my question. How can i over come my hate to my own parents especially my mother?since i was a little girl I already experince of what they called emotional abuse until im now 36 and still i feel the pain inside of my heart. i tried everything, theraphy etc. but still the pain is here, all i want is to learn how to forget what they did to me and to the rest of my brother and sister and to forgive them and to let go. but its really hard. everybody please give advice. thank you so much
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (10 September 2008):
 ps
I have a different perspective to cupid guy. I don't think that we can say a child 'let it happen'. I have children, and I know how vulnerable they are. It is up to the adults to be decent, to control themselves, to behave the very best they can, because children are so innocent and inexperienced that they aren't ready to defend themselves - and nor should they ever have to.
Emotional abuse is systematic, and is like a bad habit on the part of the adults. It can, I know, destroy a child's budding sense of self. Children are naturally happy, positive, trusting and relatively fearless. I don't know what your parents did, or didn't do, but being a parent is a huge responsibility, but unfortunately not everyone takes it as such.
Cupid guy is right, though, to my mind, in that you need to turn your energy around so our are not being a victim. You need to start being strong, and stop wanting to say 'it's not fair!' and for someone to come and make it all right. You have the strength and vision within yourself to make it all right.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (10 September 2008):
You poor thing. It is terrible that you have been left with this hatred, and not able to have the comfort parents should bring you. I think your best choice is to find a good counsellor - get some professional help. Really.
Letting go is something you need to work at. One thing that has helped me is swimming every day. You need to swim at least 24 lengths. In that time, you'll get into a meditative state and your mind will automatically clean out all the problems it has. Sometimes you will find yourself crying as you swim, but you will always feel better when you get out of the pool. Do that every day for 3 months and see if you feel better. And if you can also cycle hard several miles a day, that will for sure help. I know I sound like someone from 1786, but really, these things do help.
I hope there are other, loving people in your life who you can turn to. I hope your bro and sister are there for you, too. Thinking of you. It is not fair what happened, but unfortunately you have to accept that although not fair, it happened, and now your best option is to leave it alone and not waste any more of your life on it. Live for yourself and those who truly love you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): Hi honey, I've been there and I know exactly what you feel. My mother has ruined my life in so many ways, and the pain, insecurity, and confusion I suffer I know is a direct result of her emotional abuse. I can't tell you how to heal, I'm in the same position myself. But I'm very big on forgiveness, to hate someone, only reflects back on me. I look at my mother, I think about the sad life she has suffered, and I try to understand her and the way she felt she had to behave. Her life has been hard, as a mother, there was no manual for her to follow, so even though I've suffered, I think to myself, she has tried to do her best. I try to bring love and kindness into her life, and I wish that she could set herself free from her own demons and pains. I think she must be hurting so badly that she has taken out all her pain on me. That's how I think, and it helps me cope, but I don't know what will help you with the pain that you have suffered.
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