A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, ok me an my bf have been together for bout 3 months, it's all been great but there is a lil prob that is affecting our relationship, i have trouble opening up and talking bout what i want an how i feel, my mum passed away coming up 3 years ago now and since she's passed i just stopped talking about my feelings. I now find it really hard to open up since it's been so long, my bf is trying to help me but i find it so hard, any tips on how i can open up? It's important to me, thanks xxx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blessed Peters  +, writes (12 March 2008):
1. By sharing my problems with my close friends.
2. By reaching out to other peoples" ideas
3. Through friends making
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 HiI am sorry about your mom dearI dont see why you should open-up about everything to this guy. some people are vey manipulative in relationships you may find that something you told in confidence is used against you so be cautious its not because you dont trust him its a way of drawing the line. If you are too reserved maybe thats why he wants you to open up because you are looking sad all the time. just tell him except the pain you feel about loosing your mom there is nothing else to worry about, with time you will be able to live with the pain. this is a new relationship and i am sure it is very difficult for you to really open your heart to him maybe inside u feel like you might give him too much and then he leaves like your mom try to understand exactly what is it you dont want to discuss and work around it if its too much to deal with talk to someone professional its important because three years its a long time for you to still feel this reserved its like u have given-up dont get me wrong I have lost my father 5yrs ago so i am not trying to be insensitive. there are times that i do miss him and wish i can see him but he is gone and i know he wouldnt want to see me upset but it happens because u just cant forget a beloved parent and some days are better than others however life goes on.Jovial
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A
female
reader, korculan queen +, writes (12 March 2008):
I would only open up and discuss your feelings when YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE TO. If he is an understanding boyfriend then he will give you the SPACE to just be you. I do see a partner of only 3 months wanting you to completely open up to him as a RED FLAG WARNING SIGN. He may not be bad but the danger I see in revealing absolutely everything to him at this stage as a potential for him to use this against you in an arguement. For example my ex husband wanted to know my complete sexual history from losing my virginity to the present and then would make nasty comments during an abusive arguement and used information I had given to him about me as I trusted him against me. It is your right to keep personal information personal. Unless he wants to give you a complete history about him then I would only open up or reveal what you want to. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean he OWNS YOU AND YOUR LIFE. Dont get caught up in giving too much of yourself that you have nothing left for you. On the matter of your mother passing away I would get some counselling. I know that people die all the time but that is a significant loss losing a parent. Try not to dwell too much on her passing away and remember her life and good times together. I am glad that you posted your question as I feel that your mother was a very important and valuable person in your life and if she was here today you would probably be discussing things with her. Just remember that you are a beautiful person and only give to people what you are comfortable in giving. Take care mate.
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