A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i'm having issues in moving forward with my life after an abusive ex boyfriend.hi, im 18 now, he's a year older than me. about 18 months ago i ended a 17 month long relationship with a boy who for the last 14 months of the relationship turned the verbal abuse he had given me from the start into not only verbal emotional and mental abuse, but also physical and sexual abuse. i dont know why i stuck around, all i can say in my defense is i loved him, and my life was so entwined with his i didnt know how else to... live?it took two very good friends (who i neglected terribly during the 17 months) , who visited me after i had missed yet another day at school due to recovery after what he did to me, to give me the strength to finally walk away from him for good. my parents never knew. i was a very good actress, and could figure ways of dissapearing for days 'on holidays' with him, 'study sessions' with him. etc etc. they became used to me spending a majority of my time with him, and he wouldnt have it any other way. i still have scars and marks both visable and internal from what he did to me. i believe its something no young woman should have to deal with, again i dont know why i stuck around. about 3 months after i ended things with him i told my mother what he did to me, she didnt believe me, he was always a good christian boy from a good family with a private school upbringing. to this day she still emails him regularly. i will never forgive her. for months after i ended it, he kept contacting me. turning up at my house in the middle of the night. i changed my phone number 3 times and he always managed to get it through mutual friends and friends of friends. i knew talking to him again would be a sign of forgiving and forgetting and i couldnt do it. i moved out to the city with my bet friend around 6 months ago now to finally get away from him. i thought it would work. he has a new girlfriend now. i cant trust another man.i dont ever want to be in that position again. but now ive had a wonderful man walk into my life. and i know somewhere deep inside of me that he would never hurt me and he could be everything i need. but i still so angry and hurt inside. i feel as though HE got away with everything. i never laid charges. despite the physical evidence. i couldnt do it. my own mother doesnt believe me. how can i expect police to. he is in a new relationship now and gets a chance at happiness im not sure i can have if i cant let go of this anger. my feelings for him are gone, this i know for sure. its not jealousy. just a burning firey passionate craving for some kind of justice. i know the sort of person he is, he could never change and i believe his girlfriend will soon realise this (she is a (now ex) friend of mine and knows our history) how do i move passed this and let go of my anger, or satisfy my need for justice, so i can attempt happiness with this wonderful man thats walked into my life?
View related questions:
christian, jealous, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): dear anonymous female reader responder to my question.
thankyou.
sincerely.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): hi. i have been through a very simula experience to urself so can understand all the feeling that your are going through. one thing i found is that all my anger wasnt directed at just the person who abused me.
although the majority will be directed at him you may well find there is some directed at ur friend who is with him now, she betrayed u by getting with him and you will have to deal with those emotions.
as for ur mother, well some of us are just unlucky when it comes to family and if ur lucky you will have great friends to make up for it.
a large part of your anger will be directed at urself, and as time goes on this will become more evident. the big question will be why did u stay with him, and you will find many excuses the main one being love. i found with me the reason was that i was so mentally abused i believed i deserved nothing better and would believe him when he said i pushed him into it.
the anger you feel to him will never fade but it will change and you have the chance to find a strength in urself that u never knew was there.
the only advice i can give to help u to that point is dont bottle it up, talk to people either friends or professional, but know when to let it go and realise he doesnt have the power over you anymore.
if this ever occurs in the future the police are very understanding, they dont care whether someone can pass him self off as friendly or not.
you sound like you have a great guy now, just let him know whats going on in ur head. ur trust may come back after time but u may always flinch that little bit if someone shouts or put ur hands up when they come too close. just always remember u found the strength to leave him. well done you. the way to get back ur ex now is to go live ur life and be happy.time is a great healer and i promise u it will get easier.
good luck for the future
...............................
|
