A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've always defended my other half, when friends and family have always told me I could do so much better. I've been with a man who drinks too much but won't get help, who has let me down many times over the year and and really I know, underneath that I am worth so much more. I never finished with him because I loved him so much, and underneath all the crazyness I knew he loved me too.However, I have now found out he has been taking cocaine and has slept with someone 2 weeks ago. I feel like I don't know the man. Obviously I know this is the end, he has burn't all bridges and I have done more than enough in the relationship. I need to get over this with as much dignity as possible, I have not seen him for over 2 weeks, he has been drinking pretty much constantly this month. How can i move on in a respectful way and get him out my head and mend my broken heart? I want him out my life forever and I want him to sufffer the consquences of losing me.
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Love is not about the words you say to someone, but how you back those words up. If he says that he loves you, then he wouldn't do that. It is quite simple.
A
female
reader, Precious jewel  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 You have taken a bold steps, all u need to do is indulge urself with social activites, if your working then it's good, if ur not get busy, make new friends and be happy. I know once in awhile u will feel like calling him it's obvious , have been a victim of such but i tell u this is the right time to hang out.
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A
female
reader, Precious jewel +, writes (25 April 2011):
You have taken a bold steps, all u need to do is indulge urself with social activites, if your working then it's good, if ur not get busy, make new friends and be happy. I know once in awhile u will feel like calling him it's obvious , have been a victim of such but i tell u this is the right time to hang out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): I agree with blonde30. You've done the right thing.
Getting over people is tough. Feeling vindictive and wanting them to suffer as much as you are is a common feeling. In fact, I would say it's a pretty normal feeling so long as you don't let it bleed into your behavior. How do you get over people respectfully and with dignity? Turn away and don't look back. Don't turn back to indulge your anger or vindictivness...he would probably just be flattered by it.
By leaving him, you are probably doing him a great kindness...hopefully it should be a wake up call to him to get his life in order. Sometimes people have to hit bottom and lose quite alot before they want to start helping themselves...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): "I want him to sufffer the consquences of losing me."
While this is a very understandable emotion for you right now it is the opposite of dignity OP, it's spite.
Moving on with dignity means never giving that other person a second thought, basically getting to the stage where you just have no negative nor positive feelings for them at all, nothing just apathy. It means cutting all contact and getting on with your life. Basically never answering their calls, never calling them and blocking them on email, social network sites etc. It means staying completely away from them. Never bad mouthing them to others or getting into arguments with them, just letting them go and not looking back, that's essence of dignity.
OP the guys a mess, he's on a crazy downward spiral and you can't and hopefully won't let him drag you down with him. Do not let him pull the "I have changed, I can/will change" crap. Just make sure you don't get caught up dating this guy again and don't try and be friends, it just makes the whole process a million times harder.
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