A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:FWB with a guy who much like my boyfriend without the title (we both denied feelings for each other but i think it was clear we were very in love and also we lost our virginity to each other and were together for 2 years on-off). Two years ago he took an internship overseas and partied hard there, I was extremely jealous and sad and i cried a lot but we never talked since then. I actually never showed him how sad I was but he left and am back in my state, working in engineering renewable energy (his career passion). We havent talked since then but I always feel like there is this feeling---this thing---that I cant describe....I am unable to move on. After he left I cried but also worked on my life (when I was with him I was unemployed) I started working a lot. I am in not in best financial state and didnt graduate collge but I work in a good job now and had a rough year when my mom passed away this spring, I was able to move out with sis and rent a beautiful place for us to live. I have a car and even adopted two beautiful kittens. I also continuously dated(but stopped for 6 months to take care of my mom) and met maybe over 60 people for coffee. It was fun and I made great friends...I even went on to date a few a little seriously and ended up being intimate with two other men for short while But in back of my mind, heart, soul I am still missing that ex so much. I no longer feel the passion or feel sad about him (there is even a detachment since its been two years) but in every date, every intimacy with other men, I feel like I am still seeking him. seeking what he gave me, the feelings, the passion, even his smile/laughter, voice, and facial features, the kindness, moral, and joyMany friends and even my sis says I should move on, even I do! But moments where I go quiet and my heart remembers him. When I was with him, I was absolutely into him and adored him. The sex was amazing and fullfilled every dream I have ever had...I loved his smile, touch, body and always made him feel my desire for him. I was also very adventurious and knew when we were together, he would always go soft for me and I knew he was as crazy for me and those times were timeless.My question is how do you a person even moves on after this?!!! When true love walks into your life, nothing becomes comparable. Nothing comes close. I met many cute guys after him, fun conversations, even clicked with some and tried really hard to develop feelings for them but my heart was always with my ex. Even when I was intimate with other men, I dont have AS much fun, I am still craving my ex and dont feel as fullfilled. (also He just turned 31 and I am 25...).he is my friend on Facebook and liked my post frequently, possibly hinting he wants me back but hasnt been able to reach out to me altho when my mom passed he sent me the sweetest post. I feel like he has same feelings (as for that two years he stayed single too ) but is too afraid reach out to me (hes slightly effeminate guy) and he also sees that Im doing well, that I am more secure now and of course, still looking good =) But I feel like too much time has passed, how can we even connect ? I am too afraid to reach out but I feel like this love will just fade away much like soft sands on the beaches
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 June 2016):
Sounds like you are still living in the past. You can choose to live now. A big part of that is understanding that you were a different person in the past. You would have been more invested in your emotions back then. Wrap that around the fact that you are in love with the idea of being with him but you were both never really together.
Yes it seems hard to continue where you left off, but there isn't anything really stopping you from talking to him, other than rejection. But if you want to move on, you should at least see what his reactions are. Talk to him normally like you would any other guy, and just find out what he is up to now. Follow your heart but bring your brain with you.
Overall it seems like you've done good for yourself. Some people just take a long time to get over someone, even years. You get older but your thought process of liking the person is stuck to how it was at those moments. The moments you have with new people would never be comparable to frozen feelings.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2016): I can relate to those feelings. There are people who pass through our lives that we've been intimate with, and there is an impression some may leave on us to last a lifetime. I can also relate to being with other people, enjoying myself; but for some reason that one special person always comes to mind and I find myself searching for his features, his tone of voice, mannerisms, and I want to relive that wonderful thing I used to have with my partner who passed away.
Time changes everything. I can't forget the special thing we had, but I'm now with someone else who has done a wonderful job at making those memories fade, and he stands out in my heart above all others. He's different. He is one of a kind, and I've come to appreciate that. He has taught me to love the person who loves me at the present; and how to let go, but still have fond memories. I am now on a new adventure, my life has changed, and times have too.
You will see this when you stop trying to rekindle the past. If he hasn't made any real overtures to start a romance; I strongly advise you not to fantasize or romanticize, and lose touch with reality. Unless you come together and restart a real romance, you can't conjure things in your mind and over-read his every gesture of kindness. He never forgot the friendship, and appreciated the benefits, but he has never declared his love in the romantic-sense. Somebody has to confess, or you're wasting your time.
I suggest you meet. Have a long talk, and put your cards on the table. Get this over and done, so you can move on with your life. Don't let this turn you into a drama queen, lamenting and pining for some guy who hasn't shown you he has equal interest in starting something more. Hiding your real feelings is foolish, and you shouldn't have allowed yourself to be used like that. Now you have regrets and want to change it to what it should have been. It doesn't usually work out. It was established on the wrong foundation to begin with.
Ask him what he wants. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 June 2016):
 You are a bit of a romantic and there is nothing wrong with that. However sometimes you have to put your sensible head on. Our first loves are always special. You either need to contact him and meet-up or put it all in the jar of lovely memories and get on with your life.
There are many people who thought they could never love again and yet...
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