A
female
age
30-35,
*icicle.x
writes:Last summer i went to a party during which i was forced by a boy of the same age to perform oral sex,i'll admit that i was drunk however i did say no and tried to resist. He was quite forceful when i tried to resist, for example he pushed my head back down when i tried to pull it up and just ignored the fact that i wasn't willing and that i was crying. Afterwards i was sick and went to find my best friend, still crying i told her what had just happened, to which her response was something similar to 'Oh babe,thats horrible, have another drink you'll get over it' and she was generally just unsympathetic so i can't turn to her for help as i don't feel like she actually cares.Now i'm in a relationship, and although i never really thought that the experiece would effect me that much it has. i find it difficult to perform oral sex on my now boyfriend, and i can tell he gets fustrated by it and i know its not fair. But the thing is when i am peforming oral on him all i can think of is what happened and i see the boy who forced me's face. I wont let my boyfriend touch my face or hair while i do it, because that makes it seem like im back there again and i feel sick and just want to cry. Although he has been very supportive, and extremely patient, i know its not fair and i really dont want him to get fed up with me and leave.I know i have to deal with it, the thing is i dont see how i'll ever get the image out of my mind, or get rid of the sick feeling in my stomach.Its not just our relationship its effecting, because it has also made me think less of myself. I feel it was a very degrading experience and that if i told anyone, even if it was a counciler for example, they would think less of me.I've been very reluctant to tell anyone, it took me ages to tell my boyfriend, part of me wants to ignore that it happened so i dont have to bring it all up again, part of me just doesnt think it's something to worry others about because in the grand scheme of everyones problems it seems like such a small and stupid little thing that i should be able to get over but rationaly i know that i need to talk to someone so i can find ways of coping with what happened to me and move on so me and my boyfriend can have a normal relationship, i just dont know how to do that.I tried the samaritans for help, but i felt that thye're advice was generic and i feel maybe that a more direct aproach would be more beneficial?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): My question to you is why Oral sex so inportant to your boyfriend if he understands he woint expect you to perform this act witch affects you so much at the end of the day you need to contact the interum councerling service and you need to beable to talk about this because you need to sort this before its to late and does more damage and not just in relashionships ,
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