A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend started having sex about 2 months into our relationship. We both lost our virginities to each other so everything was need and exciting, we had sex every time we saw each other which was around 5-6 days a week. Problem was we both still live with our parents as we can't afford to move out (we're both 20 however were 18 at the time). We always tried to wait until everyone went to bed or when our parents were out but a lot of the time we got carried away. My sisters bedroom is right next to mine and the walls are pretty thin so I tried and thought I was being quiet...turns out I wasn't. Turns out my sister could hear is every night and told my parents about it. Neither of them said anything to me so I didn't know there was a problem. One night, though, when we were 'doing the deed' my sister got so annoyed of not being able to sleep she went down to my parents and told them to tell is to cut it out. They did and said we weren't allowed to do it any more. I was mortified but probably would have gotten over it . We stopped and just started watching TV.My sister is a year older than me so 19 at the time and had just broken up with her boyfriend recently at the time so i don't know if that had anything to do with it. She also believes that sex should only be had when you have your own place and not in the parents house. She and my parents think it's disrespectful - which i can understand but i didn't know this at the time.Next thing I know my dad storms into my room, tells my boyfriend to leave and starts yelling at me telling me to have more respect. My sister thought she could still hear us doing it and went down again, really upset. The whole thing turned into an argument between my parents, my sister and me and my boyfriend. My boyfriend left and everything was pretty awkward. They still to this day don't believe that we were just watching TV and stopped having sex when they told us to.My boyfriend and my parents have a good relationship. And my boyfriend apologised for being disrespectful and my dad apologised to my boyfriend for overreacting. Nothing more was said by nor to me and no one brings it up anymore, they act like nothing had happened.After It being over a year, I'm still embarrassed about it all and I feel a resentment towards my sister for not coming to talk to me first and my parents for not letting know they could hear us. I feel I should have gotten an apology for that (and I should have apologised for being disrespectful by having sex in my parents house).I'm also mortified at the thought of the rest of my family knowing ... My parents talk and there is no secrets in my family even if you wanted there to be!How can I stop feeling embarrassed, ashamed and angry with the whole situation?How can I just move on?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 July 2014):
 You're not owed an apology so don't expect one. If you're old enough to have sex, then you're old enough to figure out for yourself the appropriate time and place to have it. Someone else's home isn't it. Your family didn't spell that out for you because they thought you had more sense.
Your sister probably went to your parents because she suspected that going to you directly would result in an even bigger altercation. Your parents have an authority she doesn't. Personally, I would have gone to you first, but it is what it is.
Having said that, this was not the worst thing in the world you could have done. This is trifles in the grand scheme of things. Your family has long since moved on. Your boyfriend and your family have worked it out and he's still welcome in your home. That says a lot about how understanding they are. And for all you know your parents may have done something similar when they were first dating.
I wouldn't say anything more to anyone. All that does is bring it to the forefront of everyone's minds.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): Just talk to them, OP, no big deal.
Get some closure but don't expect an apology. That's just points scoring.
I mean come on can you imagine enduring a painful break up and having to listen to a loved up couple fucking in the next room? Not only that but getting images of your sister having sex keep popping into your head because that's who is doing it?
It's been a year, time to talk it out with the people you need to talk it out with so they can tell you it's all forgotten and not the big deal it should be in your head.
Just get closure.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (13 July 2014):
 Sex with parents or family in the same house is always awkward, and its only by having your own place that you can do it without that fear of being heard. But then you can still be loud enough for neighbours to hear you or, if you have kids at some point, your children to hear, or even worst, burst in unexpectedly while you have your full repertoire going.
Many parents are okay with there sons/daughters having sex under their roof, but expect them to be discrete and respectful. If your doing it five or six times a week and making a fair bit of noise then that could cause issues. They may have thought the two of you were using there home as a sex den and spending all your time disturbing and causing embarrassment to others.
As for your sister, well is older and experienced and recognised your naivity of the situation. She also had just split from her boyfriend only to hear you and your fella banging away and enjoying yourselves a few inches of wall space away. That would have rubbed it in and made her less likely to put up with it. Six nights a week of hearing that? No wonder she complained.
She may also of thought you were deliberately being loud to attract attention and show off or draw attention to the fact you were having sex. Your sister probably didn't speak to you directly as she was embarrassed or too pissed off at having her own relationship issues rubbed in it every night by your screams of pleasure.
BUT all this was a long time ago and nobody has mentioned it since. Let it go.
You should not feel ashamed, embarrassed or angry as its part of adult life. No disrespect but if you cannot handle the emotional consequences of sex, then you shouldn't be doing it. Your not kids any more, your parents know you have sex, you know your parents have sex and im sure you know your sister has sex too.
It was awkward at the time because parents are never happy with their teenage kids having sex in case they get hurt, pregnant or do something they regret. Also its hard for parents to accept that there daughter is no longer their little girl. Equally Teens hate their parents talking to them about sex as its embarrassing at that age. But you are all adults now. You need to accept whats happened and move on.
You say your parents talk, well i'm sure on this matter they will be discrete. Even if they were not, who cares? So they may tell your aunt, uncle or whomever that you sleep with your boyfriend....big deal. Is anyone going to care? I doubt it.
The reason nobody talks about it anymore is because its a non event now, something insignificant and forgotten. You are harbouring thoughts about this that others have long moved on from.
Mark
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): Just tell the person that you want to move on and if that person won't let you then just speak your mind to that person
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 July 2014):
Dear OP,
I can understand you feel awkward about this, because until that night, you must have thought you both were being discreet, right? Well, I was in your sisters' position once, I heard my younger brother and his girlfriend have sex. My parents heard it also. Those things are a bit weird for everybody in the family. I didn't say anything but my parents made a remark in front of my brother and his girlfriend at breakfast.. ah, the awkwardness!! But I think these embarrassing moments are just part of growing up. If you know "American Pie" movies.. there are a lot of painfully awkward moments like that. Of course, they are exaggerated, but still.
First of all, forgive yourself for being too loud. You didn't know any better at the time. You never guess how thin walls can be, until you're the one who's trying to sleep. Then, I think you can forgive your sister, too, because she was sad over a break up and she was too young to talk about it "like an adult" with you and to come knocking on your door at night. Also, forgive your parents. I guess it would have been fair if they told you they can hear you, so that they could ask you to stop before the whole situation escalated like it did. But I think they were just too ashamed to bring it up, because it's not easy to say to someone else, "hey, I could hear you last night".. especially when it's your family.
I can understand this is very embarrassing.. but in the end, it's just something human. I think your parents and your sister also know that having sex is great and that you get carried away sometimes, especially when you're new at this. They seem to have forgiven you and restored the relationship with your boyfriend as well. If you can, move out soon, then you will feel more at ease and you'll care less about your family's opinion. Also, you will be able to enjoy sex and not be ashamed.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (12 July 2014):
 I think this is just a question of acting like an adult. Sometimes there are situations where you do just have to get over it. We cannot really give you advice on this - it is completely down to you.
However, I want you to think about how you would have felt in your sisters position. Having to listen to her having hot sex every single night of the week. Potentially when you are trying to sleep and have to get up for work or school. To start with you would probably try and ignore it. After weeks of it, you would begin to get pissed off, and eventually you would crack up from lack of sleep. Imagine you could hear your parents having sex every night? How would you feel then?
I suspect your sister didn't want to tell you because she knew you would be embarrassed.
To think that no one could hear you, was naïve on your part, as is being embarrassed that people know you have sex. You are an adult. If you cannot deal with that, you shouldn't be doing it.
No one says you cant have sex, but 5/6 nights a week is a bit much for anyone to have to listen to.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (12 July 2014):
 You'll never really move on until you move out. Your sister doesn't owe you an apology because that is a pretty tough thing to hear right next door to you. Put yourself in her shoes - usually young teenagers who lack a lot of experience tend to not be self-aware when it comes to what they sound like, and since it's your parents' house, they were the proper ones to talk to you about it in the first place.
Just let it go - it was 2 years ago and I'm sure you've found other places to get into it. Years later when everyone's found their own places to live, none of it will matter. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and your dad is going to react like that because no dad, even in this enlightened age, is going to be able to get the thought out of his head that some young "punk kid" is plowing his daughter under his roof.
There are no secrets in your family? Then there's no shame. Don't be embarrassed. Your sister will move out, you'll move out, and none of it will matter anymore. Just wait until you get the exquisite embarrassment of finding out your KIDS can hear you doing it, or the mortification of a kid's FRIEND hearing you.
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