A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I felt disrespected. My partner and i had been together for 6 and half years, we also have small children. He seemed to be getting very friendly with his ex whom he has a grownup child with. The ex would text him out of blue to see if he was ok, yet she knew he was with me, i got uncomfortable with it as it seemed too friendly. I ignored this as i wanted to trust him and so said nothing, he started acting suspicious when she was sending him private messages on facebook, he would delete them straight away or not open them infront of me. i also discovered he changed his password so i couldnt look and then sent her a message too saying he had changed it. Went on holiday and he seemed distant with me sleeping in with my daughter instead of with me, this upset me a little. I decided i would wait a week or so and then check up again, he had deleted all his inbox but left some sent messages, one of which was to her in the early hours saying nite nite x. I feel hurt and that theyhave both disrepected me, how can i move forward with him now if i think he might of been chasing her or discussing things with her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): To add to my previous comments: I feel so angry on your behalf. He's bullying you when you need to feel secure. You have young children. Don't let him treat you like this. Stand up to him and I promise whatever the outcome you will feel better about yourself-with or without him.
Take care of yourself because he sure isn't!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): It's not the friendship that is the problem-26 years is a long time. I get on well with my daughter's father even though we have been separated for 20 years. It's the sneaking about and the secretive behaviour that's the problem.
He is angry and accused you of being jealous etc because he knows he is doing something wrong.
Don't play games such as get your own secret relationship. This will damage your self esteem, cause arguments and affect the children.
Have this out with him. He stops and grows up or he moves on-end of!
You have young children and he's not getting his ego massaged as much as he would like and she's nice and safe isn't she? How childish and disrespectful. Show him what you've been driven to. You can't talk to him and have to seek solace from strangers on the internet (no problem with this but he is supposed to be your friend as well as husband) Show him this response and see what he thinks.
I know from my own experience there are plenty of great men out there who don't behave like this and unless he changes his ways you should throw him out (see how long the x-wife remains interested when he arrives with his suitcases and dirty underwear) and find someone who will respect you and your children before this moron damages your self-esteem and the lives of your childen.
Remember: you and your children deserve better!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI took the advice to confront him with my suspicions about his ex and the messages etc. He was very angry and told me i was jealous and boring. He said that he has known her 26 yrs and isnt giong to stop talking to her because i dont like it. I felt stupid and upset he didnt realise how it has made me feel, what do i do now?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): honestly their is nothing wroung with a man being friends with a girl, but what your saying does sound suspicius, my thouhgts are you should talk with your partner about how you feel. Try not to look throuh his stuff unless he gives permission becasue he might use that ageinst you later. Just remeber honesty is the best policy, even if you being hounest makes him mad. How it suonds he is hiding stuff from you and if you look through his stuff or spy on him then you are sinking to his level. Just be hounest and if you can control any anger or negitive emotions when talking to him, becasue if you yell while being honuest it won`t compute well, its best if you try to be calm and caring when being honest becasue he might just listen... I hope I help.
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