A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I think I am struggling to meet a suitable guy because maybe I have too much. I have worked hard all my life and have my own house and car and have two grown up children. I was a young single parent but I studied and worked really hard. The guys I meet seem to have either been taken to the cleaners or living with family. When we start dating they seem to want to move in pretty fast. How can I get round this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (18 December 2015):
You obviously need to be around a better group of men. Those you mention are what I would expect to meet while hanging out at a bus terminal. Take a look at your community service groups...they are usually full of successful and interesting people. You could join a theater guild or a group that sponsors events to raise money for the disadvantaged (which might be of help to some of the fellows you've been dating).
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (17 December 2015):
 there are plenty of dead beats , and low life's that will take a woman for everything if they can. so i understand your concern. example after my dad died my mother remarried. she met him at a church social for single people. i found out years later that he had been married 12 times before and took every woman that he married in the past for everything they had. my mom was the only one he did not take to the cleaners, but he put a good size dent in the life insurance my Dad had left my mom. i would suggest taking it very slow when meeting, and getting to know a man. see what his character is. how he treats you in private, and in public. how he treats your friends, family. even how he treats the waitress at a restaurant. if he tries to isolate you from family and friends. don't disclose your finances to any guy, they do not need to know that of your personal. if they are pushy to start a future wit you, they may have $$ signs in their eyes. my advice would be weed out the gold diggers, do not let your emotions get you attached until you see what sort of person they truly are. don't let a new relationship cloud your judgement. after a relationship new has worn off you can see things more clearly. to find a good guy you will have to weed through the bad. its not being picky , but being wise and prudent to save your self some heartache later.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): You don't have to let anyone move in. You have to weed-out those you see aren't the right match; and it's easy to tell when someone is eyeing your purse, and not looking at you.
Yes, single mature people are usually secure and financially organized at our range in age. However; being mature also means you've experienced much in your lifetime. Ups and downs, and spikes and plateaus in your financial history. The worldwide financial recession hit many hard, and many have lost good six-figure salaries. They are now living a less extravagant life-style, and may be looking for help more than a mate. So be careful.
Having too much? That doesn't make any sense. What you have is irrelevant. If you're running into bad selections you have to mind where and how you're looking. Re-evaluate your taste in men.
It takes time to find a good match, and most people don't have the patience. They get frustrated and start searching for reasons and excuses to give up. Love is simply evasive.
All you can do is hone your communicative skills, make yourself visible and available; and keep improving on your weaknesses, in order to be worthy of a good match. Being beautiful or financially well-heeled doesn't mean you're lovable and guaranteed to get the cream of the crop. Everyone needs tweaking. It's an ongoing and lifelong process. We change and improve, and sometimes consequences will force us to hit rock-bottom. That's life, kiddo!
Love happens when it happens, and you have to go through a few bad matches to find your way to a good one. No one finds a treasure the minute they start looking. You have to search, persevere, and you have to enjoy short-term fun relationships; until you find something more serious.
Stop hunting for a husband. I don't care how many times heterosexual women tell you they're not, I'm wise...most of you are! You see this virtual clock ticking and you get scared and desperate. Then you make bad decisions and settle out of frustration. You get angry because every date isn't heading toward the alter. If people tried real courtships, they find better matches. Everyone's in a hurry!
A lot of the time, women play victim; like men are always sooooo horrible to poor pitiful ladies! Like many of you aren't the devil in a blue dress! Point one finger, three point back!
Change your outlook and stop looking at how bad things have gone. You've learned something from, and about, every man you've ever shared your time with. You grow wiser and stronger each and every-time. Just don't get bitter or cynical, or feel defeated. It's just how life goes. We want everything yesterday. Love is just not one of those things you can rush, or buy off the shelf.
Continue your dating and weeding process. For each one eliminated, the best match is getting closer. I wasn't looking, and I found a gem! He says he found me. We found each other. All my advice comes from what I've learned through experience, my trials and tribulations. From those wiser than myself, and from praying a lot. There are plenty of men out there. So you're batting zero? Happens to everyone! Try being a gay man! We get the same things from men women get. Our gay-culture is narcissistic, materialistic, vain, and inherently ageist. Gay men can be very shallow, and very self-absorbed. We've been through so much trying to come to terms with who we are, trying to find acceptance; so some get a little skewed and screwed-up in the process. I've been through the weeding and elimination process, girlfriend. It gets ugly! I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for the right guy; and vice versa.
Keeping moving forward, and be proud of all you've accomplished. It takes time to find love and create happiness for yourself. If you give up trying, you lose!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): I'm glad you have identified how quickly they want to move in. They clearly want to use you. I'm in a similar position as you. I would join dating social clubs and they are excellent places to meet all sorts. You want someone you has what you have and maybe even more. Dont let these guys use you unless they are prepared to pay half. Be careful though as this could cause bad feelings if a relationship ends. Even more complicated if you marry them.
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