A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I give this guy a chance?For the past year I have been online dating, I have deleted my profiles now as I've not had much luck with it and have been messed about by one guy I really liked.Since July I have been chatting to this other guy, we've met twice but not had a proper date as such. I recently started to pull back with this guy as I felt it was becoming too much of a text relationship and I want more than lazy communication. I hinted at him about this saying I was bored with the texting etc to see if he'd ring me but he didn't.So I removed my dating profile, telling him so and explaining my dislike for online dating. His profile still active, which is his choice.But my reason for this was that this guy was telling me he doesn't really go online and he knows who he wants and hopes I feel the same. I told this guy I have friends that use this dating site and we often compare profiles etc.I suggested to this guy I was free at the weekend and he said he was and he invited me to meet for a spot of Xmas shopping. I'd of preferred a proper date but assumed he meant well so agreed.Whilst at work yesterday my work college abd I were discussing the dating and she said she'd been talking to a new guy and had a date for Saturday eve set up. Turns out it's the same guy.He doesn't know I know about this and my friend is reluctant to meet with him now.I've since gone quiet on him as I feel let down.I know he's not my boyfriend but he has been texting me virtually everyday for the past 6 mths and virtually said he wants to be with me, yet he's arranging POF dates.. Should I give him the heads up on this and tell him or should I say nothing and go anyway but I won't be myself with him as I'll be holding back or should I just dump him and move on?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 December 2015):
 I agree with Ciar,
TELL him like it is. Don't presume that he can read your mind or understand your subtle hints (he can't).
I would NOT go Christmas shopping with him, in fact I wouldn't waste any more time - though a short e-mail to let him know thanks, but no thanks, you have come to realize you and him are going nowhere, then wish him well, and then simply block/delete/remove him.
The whole "he knows who he wants etc." might have been an attempt at hinting it was you without saying it, and therefore without having to back it up. However, his actions show that it ISN'T you he sees himself with - because he is still looking, and he still after 5 months haven't asked you out on a proper date. Which means (If I have to guess) that he is keeping in touch with you to have a "back-up plan. And no one wants to be a back up plan.
Dating can be hit or miss - this guy? He's a miss.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 December 2015):
 I think you need to stop beating around the bush and be more direct about what you want. You pull back and tell him you're not into texting relationships then you tell him you're schedule is open. He might have taken this to mean you liked him enough but weren't all that serious about him.
On the other hand he contacts you every day, which you take to mean he's pursuing you (understandable) then find out he's also pursuing someone else.
Too many mixed messages and question marks.
So I'd send this guy an email and be matter of fact and honest but not accusing. Something along the lines of you enjoyed your conversations and it was nice to meet him, but you don't think this is going anywhere and, small world, you understand he has a date lined up with a friend of yours so you're going to bow out and move on. Tweak it a bit as you like. Then block and delete him. Not out of anger, but just to tie up that loose end. Ongoing communication with him just muddies the waters.
And in future, give yourself permission to be up front. Simply telling people what you want is not clingy or demanding. They can then decide, based on clear knowledge of the facts, whether or not that works for them.
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