A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to break up with my fiancee of 3yrs, i love her and all but i know i am too young to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to date other people in the future after all the dust has settled between us.My question is where do i begin? She is madly in love with me, and dosent suspect anything is wrong because we very rarely if ever argue with each other, and she always talks about our future and such. I want this to be easy as possible but i know she will cry her heart out and that scares me.I have never broken up with anyone before and im afraid of doing it yet i know i must do it. Please help!
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): I went throught the exactly same thing recently, and I was the one doing the breaking up too. We were together 3 years too. He didn't suspect anything was wrong. I'll tell you how to break up, but it won't be easy. I was bawling by the end because its actually heartbreaking to see someone u really care about dreams and hopes shatter. Believe me there is no easy way, but waking up the next morning, feeling the weight off your shoulders...
1. Give her a call on the phone and tell her that you have something you want to talk to her about, this gives her time to focus and prepare, she may ask, 'oh is it good or bad?, just say, 'I really need to talk to you about something'. Keep it short.
2. Meet her in a location where she can cry her heart out, someplace which isn't too busy, if u live together don't do it in your home.
3. Then begin by saying, 'I have something I want to tell you. I feel that I cannot give you everything you need or deserve, I have been feeling this way for some time now. 'name' are a wonderful person and I do not regret the times that I have shared with you, I care about you and I do believe right now you deserve honesty. And I cannot prolong this anymore. (believe me, I had this rehersed). Breaking up is really hard, it was my 1st time doing it too. Don't do it at xmas, she will have sad memories for years to come. Do it mid-Jan, but do it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): I agree with the advice of the other two.
1. A break up will never be pain free.
2. Break ups means someones heart will be broken.
3. Do it face to face rather than emailing or writing it in a letter.
4. The longer you leave it, the stronger the attachment and the worse the pain.
5. Do not give her false hopes of a future with her.
6. Time will heal all wounds.
7. If you like to stay friends with her tell her.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (25 December 2007):
 You can begin to being honest with her. There is no easy way to break up with anyone, regardless the circumstances.
I do not know you but age may not be the reason for your decision.
If you really deeply loved this woman, age should not make a difference.
You may love her but in a different way.
The longer you wait the more involved you will be and she will feel more hurt so just be open with her.
Tell her that what you feel you cannot carry on with this relationship as you do not see a future with her.
Offer to be her friend, that she means a lot to you but not in the way that she would hope.
It is inevitable that she will cry and be heart broken but I am sure she does not want your pity and she deserves to know that truth no matter how much it hurts.
Dont blame the age thing or anything else, sometimes two people are not meant to be together.
Open your heart to her and be as gentle as you can. Being engaged means that you have taken this relationship to far with a person you do not intend to marry or changed your mind how you felt.
Delaying the break up will not not help.
When you eventually get into a new relationship, be sure before committing to an engagement, to avoid giving false hopes.
You owe it to yourself to be honest and to her.
Take care
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): OMG Talk about someone who doesn't know what he wants. Well at least you are concerned about her suffering. I don't think there's an easy way out of this one. Please, do not dump her on Christmas. Have the decency to wait at least until mid January. The most important thing here is to prepare her. It's too much for her to take all at once. And then you'll be to blame for her not ever trusting any other man. After New Year's day you should start to tell her how anxious you feel about the marriage thing (like it's a new thing). Then talk to her about how you'd like to pospone it for a bit. And then about how you'd like not to talk about it for a while. By then she'll have a clue that something is very wrong. She'll want answers. Don't tell her you want to date other people. Tell her the: "I need more space" B.S. Then tell her exactly how you feel and let her understand it wasn't her fault but yours and that you don't deserve her. That you feel you can't meet her expectations and that you are scared and need time.
...............................
A
female
reader, autumnleaves07 +, writes (25 December 2007):
I feel sorry for you, but you are doing the right thing in thinking about trying to do it in the nicest possible way. My boyf of 4 years and I have just split up, and it was completely out of the blue - he did it by email (admittedly we are on opposite sides of the world).I think first of all you need to be 100% sure that this is the right decision and that you will not regret it. It is perfectly understandable that you feel too young to be settled down, but in that case, why did you get engaged?You should try talking to her first, see what she is feeling about it. If you do love her, perhaps there is a way that you can work it out. Or perhaps the relationship really has reached its natural end and it's time to break up. Above all, please remember to be honest with her, and do it face to face. Breaking up is never easy, especially when one person thinks the relationship is going swimmingly. And yes, she will cry her heart out. That is completely normal. But please don't fill her head with false hopes, such as 'I still see a future for us further down the line', unless you really, really mean it. Good luck.
...............................
|
