A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys and gals, i have a question and more advice the better. They say in a dating world or relationship, don't be available all the time, this will make them want you. No one wants a man that's always there, it's not valuable. With that being said, I met a girl and she's shy, doesn't initiate anything, especially hanging out. She would be happy to hear from me and would meet me when I suggest to do so. How can i make myself seem unavailable when she never ask when we can hangout if she never ask? I don't know if this make sense
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 November 2015):
 So if you after ONLY a few months are having a break, I would make up my OWN mind and make it a break up.
If she doesn't KNOW why she is pulling away, I don't think it's shyness, I think it's because she isn't into you as much as she wants to be or as much as you are into her.
I agree that maybe TALKING to her will let you know if there is something to work on or to walk away from.
When someone says don't be available all the time in the initial dating stages, they mean you don't drop everything else for them EVERY TIME or stop having a social life so you (general you) can "sit by the phone"
and wait for them to call you.
I don't believe in taking "breaks" in a relationship. Specially not so early in. I think it shows that 1 person isn't as into it as the other. And one-sided affection sucks.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 November 2015):
 It may be true that couples are either moving together or apart, and it looks like the latter in your case. I would ask her to make her mind up because you have a life to live and you don't want to be dangling while she sorts herself out.
If there is something else troubling her then you are there to talk it through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for response. We did talk about it and all i get from her is "i don't know, i do noticed i'm pulling away but i don't know why"
and that's when the break started. We been seeing each other few months.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (15 November 2015):
Oh well, don't be down hearted yet. Sometimes girls like to put the brake on a bit if they think things are moving too fast. Sometimes people just need a bit of space.
Adjust your pace accordingly.
I haven't an impression of how long you have been dating. If you are an established relationship and she is, as you say, pulling away, then you need to have a grown up talk about what's happening.
You aren't a mind reader. Go and seek some answers. Do it in a caring way. I hope it lets you grow stronger together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes...i do agree with not playing games and i haven't. If everything was written down on paper. I'm the perfect guy to have she even say so....but somehow she's pulling away and now we're on a break..(she might have found another but i can't think of a reason why since i've have supported her on her ups and downs and was there every time.)
Someone said...it's because i'm always available. I jump every time she wants me to, always available. we only value diamonds cause it's rare, we wouldn't find it special if we can just open the door and pick one up from the street. I guess what i'm saying is we value things we don't have. Why would she value me if she knows she can get to me every time?
Thanks for advice
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2015):
I agree with Denizen. FAKING not being available is playground games and not a smart move. YOU want to get to know her? THEN get to know her!! that doesn't mean play head games with her.
You could mention to her that you would really LIKE for her to occasionally call you with suggestions for dates. Because you want to get to know her too.
Don't play games.
Not IF she starts to NOT be available THEN you can either walk away or NOT be available yourself.. but that isn't the care - this girl WANTS to spend time with you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (14 November 2015):
Whoever said: 'Don't be available all the time, this will make them want you,' is an idiot.
She is waiting to be asked out, and agreeing to go when you ask. What's wrong with you?
Do what you feel is right. Don't play games. You will lose her. And you will deserve to lose her.
Sometimes when pursuing a girl you may need to back off, but she will give you signs if you are coming on too strong.
That is not the indication here. She seems to want to see more of you.
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