A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married for 15 yrs..2 young kids and SAHM wife.few yrs back I left long term job and moved to another city for new business opportunity.Along came more money more time being self employed and temptations.few friends were already doing this from yrs.they hadthis perfect married life at home n frequent business trips where they lead their other lives. It all seemed fun n I followed their way of life. I started seeing escorts,going to more pubs n strip clubs with few friends. It went on for 2 yrs but it wasn't a regular thing.More like once in 2 months.Then I got tired of all this and felt guilty and started devoting more time to my family.But my wife found out about 2 incidents when I did hired escort services. I confessed and apologized and tried my best to convince her that I already left all that and I won't do that ever again. It's been 2 yrs since all disclosure and apologies but my wife constantly brings up the past. She nags me all time, asks lot of questions , check my emails my ph, try to locate me thru GPS etc. We keep getting into arguments every month or so. I'm tired of explaining myself. I love her and my kids and I want to grow old with her. But she is unable to trust me and I'm sick of giving explanations. I don't see divorce as an option.What should I do to convince her that I won't make those mistakes again and somehow make her trust me completely. Please help!!
View related questions:
divorce, escort, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): You sow the bed, now lay in it. Just out of curiosity, why is divorce out of the question? Do you stand to lose more? A small price to pay if I dare say so myself. Ah, trust: hard to gain and easy to break. If you want to fix this then take it like a man. Actions speak louder than words. If anything, you're repeating behavior similar to what you've done in the past. Counseling. Try it. The both of you. If anything, you owe her a "free pass"P.s. You're not sorry. You're sorry that you got caught.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): All I can suggest is marriage counseling. It's natural for your wife to be paranoid and "nag" you. What do you expect? You cheated on her. Regaining her trust isn't going to be a walk in the park. Your wife was convinced you wouldn't cheat when she married you. And then you did cheat. Convincing her you won't cheat again is going to be one difficult task.
I don't want to be tough and judgmental, but try to re-evaluate your guilt. Maybe you really aren't sincere and thus your wife isn't accepting your apologies. Maybe you're just sorry you got caught. "It went on for 2 yrs but it wasn't a regular thing.More like once in 2 months." This, to me, sounds more like an excuse to undermine the severity of your unfaithfulness. It can be two weeks or two hours. Doesn't change the fact you lied to your wife.
Are you still friends with those men who also lead double lives? I hope not. Because if you are still friends with them, it doesn't make you appear sincerely apologetic. Try marriage counseling. If it doesn't work, I suggest a divorce. Why exactly do you not see divorce as an option? Because you love your wife and don't want to leave her? Maybe you should've considered that before you cheated...Has your wife mentioned divorce? Would she be happier if you two had one?
...............................
|
