A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dated a girl for a few years before she broke up with me a few weeks ago. Although we were not in a long distance relationship, we could not always see each other due to a number of reasons, and it has gotten worse lately. I became too preoccupied with my own personal problems, and I started to neglect her. She was hurt and left me, and is now interested in my close friend.She started dating my friend very soon after our break-up. After I told her how hurt I was, she and my friend felt guilty, and broke it off for the time being as a courtesy to me. They decided that they may see each other in the future, but not right now.I know that my ex is still interested in me. I let her know that I regretted neglecting her and that I would be willing to correct it. We became affectionate with each other and kissed, but afterward she said she wants to take things slowly. She is interested in both my friend and me, and she does not know who to choose. She wants to try something new, but she also doesn't want to lose me. She also doesn't want to hurt either of us.Immediately after the breakup I broke contact with her, but we have recently become close again. We are currently friends, and we see each other often. We are affectionate, but not exactly romantic. While I still love spending time with her, this is not enough for me. I am worried that I will help her heal and move on while I will be stuck on her, alone.Is there any way that I can win her back? How should I act around her? When I initially broke contact, she believed I had moved on, and she saw that as permission to date my friend. It was only after telling her how interested I was in trying again that she broke up with my friend and considered getting back together with me. For this reason, I don't think hiding my feelings for her will help me get back together with her.Also, I know my close friend is interested in her, but I believe if I were to directly ask him not to see her, he would. I don't know if this is a bad idea, because I don't want the two of them to resent me because of it. Also, I don't know if I am even in any place to make such a request. Lately she is telling me she is leaning towards the decision of choosing him... I don't know how to persuade her to choose me.Any advice or insight will be extremely appreciated. Thank you for your time.
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female
reader, Desi +, writes (30 April 2009):
 well first off you cant make her choose you.! you need to tell her how you really feel even if it seems mooshy to you. when your in a relationship for a long time things do tend to die down your not as affectionate as you used to be and spend as much time together. you should take her on a nice friend date... movie, walk in the park, and show her the fun side of you again. mabye she needs to date someone eles for a little while and have a cool off period. then she can gather herself and see if she really has fellings for you still (you dont know what you had till you lost is) kind of thing. just show her you still love her. and if she moves on im sorry but someone ounce told me....... sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall into place. I hope my advice somewhat helps... take care and good luck
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