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female
,
anonymous
writes: How do I talk to my boyfriend about how i need to feel more secure and wanted in the relationship? That i need more than a couple of texts a week to feel like he actually wants me. When he was pursuing me he was contacting me daily and calling and doing sweet things, and now he has me, and its only a couple of months in, the contact has become much much less, maybe a text to ask how i am, and then one to arrange a night out a week. I now feel nervous about phoning him up for a chat as i dont feel secure and worry that I am bothering him so it is a vicious circle.I have asked him if he wants to be with me, and he says yes, but when we are apart i feel like he doesnt think about me at all. I need to tell him that the communication has to improve otherwise i will end it, as he cant give me what I need (which would be an incredibly tough decision as i love him). What is the best way to bring this up? I dont want to come across as a terribly needy girlfriend who is hard work and has loads of demands, as I dont, but I do have a need to feel safe, secure and wanted in a relationship.
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female
reader, Tiagre +, writes (23 September 2006):
First of all, DON'T use the word 'insecure'. Most men see that as needy and run like frightened llamas from anyone that uses it.
However, if you want the communication to improve, you're going to have to innitiate some of it yourself. Perhaps he feels frustrated because you never text him (so he stopped doing it so much)? Don't call constantly or you'll seem desperate, just call/text occasionally so he's sure you're still into him. It's a two way street.
If things don't improve and you want to actually discuss it, keep things light (but sound confident about what you're saying, try not to cry (it freaks guys out) and be clear about what you want. If it helps, think it through before hand and think out any awnsers to questions he might ask. Preparation is key, otherwise you might lose it and forget a point you wanted to bring up, or burst into tears halfway through (garunteed not to score any points on the good girlfriend meter). Be sincere and honest, and speak your mind. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (22 September 2006):
 When we get with someone they set a standard, texting all the time, ringing just to hear our voice etc then things slip it happens to us all and we want it how it was but that is the honeymoon period.
You can either talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you are feeling or you can make the move to contacting him and texing him the kind of messages you would like to receive from him and see how he reacts to them and depending on the reaction depends on whether you would then need to talk to him.
Don't ever feel worried to call him or text him he is your boyfriend and you should be able to talk to him as and when you want to (Within reason of course).
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