A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my name is Jennifer, and I'm 18 years old.For the past year, I've been in a relationship with someone who lives in another country. It's extremely difficult, but we take turns visiting one another and have been making it work.He lives in England, I live in America. In January, I flew to England for two weeks to see him. in April, he's coming to America to see me.He also has plans to come visit me in September. Obviously though, the wait between April and September is a long time, and we'd prefer to not go 5 months without seeing one another.I've been thinking of taking a trip over to see him in June for his birthday. The only problem with this is my mother. She supports the relationship, but it seems to worry her. She thinks I focus too much on him, and not enough on my education or work. Neither of which is true. I love him and I want our relationship to work, so of course I focus a lot on it. It takes a lot of dedication.I know that when I suggest going over to England in June, my mother's going to get upset with me. She said at the most, I'm allowed to go over there for a week. I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat, but that is not enough. I would like to have another two weeks with him. In a Long distance relationship, having your time together is so important. It would only be two weeks out of the entire summer. The rest of the summer, I'll be working a full time job and because of the time difference, my boyfriend and I will rarely be able to talk. That makes spending two weeks with him in June all the more important.I'd be paying for the entire trip myself, like I do each time. I know I'm 18 and don't need my mother's permission, but in an odd way, I do.Can you please help me come up with a way of approaching the subject with her without sounding selfish or bratty? How can I make her understand my position?
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female
reader, Lily Moll +, writes (4 February 2008):
Going off of Laura's advice, I'd say that stressing the exploration of the culture and country could be to your advantage. Also, you could point out that airfare costs the same no matter how long you'll be gone, and since you're paying for it, you want to get the most of your money. Then of course she could always say that those are two weeks you won't be earning a paycheck, so you'll be losing money by staying longer. You could counter that by saying that you can always make more money, but you might not always have this opportunity to be with your boyfriend. You must be assertive, but that is not the same as being bratty. Remember she's your mom, and she knows what buttons to push to bring out the bratty responses, so if you feel the urge to respond in a less-than-mature way to something she says, just take a deep breath, and be firm, but logical with her. You are an adult, but you are still her little girl, and she worries about you. However, remember that you're in the right-- it's not up to her to say how long you're allowed to go there for. You have to live your life, and you're doing nothing unreasonable or "bratty" here. You sound very mature-- you work, go to school, and are maintaining a long distance relationship! Hardly the hallmarks of a selfish, bratty teenager! You deserve to visit your boyfriend for as long as you want to and can afford to, and I wish you luck!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 You could tell her that one week is not enough to learn all about him or the culture and way of life in the UK.You need to find your destiny and the truth about him.
You are matured and a well balance person.You need to experience life on your own.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): i think you know your mom means well, give her time, be open and honest with her about your feelings for him. of course you want to see him and if you can, you should. but remember long distance relationships have a bad rep; enjoy what time you have together and if it turns into something so much more, than i say GOOD FOR YOU!! best of luck.
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