A
female
age
30-35,
*oneychild23
writes:Recently, i had a miscarriage and loss my babies(multiple birth). my fiance and i are pretty devastated(ive had over 8 miscarriages my entire life). when it comes to expressing how we feel we r total opposites. he tries to stay calm and positive by saying we can try again soon, whereas me, ive been more destructive by screaming, breaking stuff, n drinking to the point where i cant stand up by myself. he hates that i act out like that but im angry n im not the type to stay quiet n try to b perfect when im angry. my questions r: how do i get him to respect my ways of expressing my feelings??? n how do i tell him that i dont want to try to have any more babies anytime soon???
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Sorry, I am not going to sugar coat this for you, because life has not done that either.
You scream, break stuff, get drunk...And all this has helped you get pregnant right???
You think your body and what you have been doing to it helps you carry a baby? Second, with your way of dealing with stress, what would happen if your child did something wrong?? You going to get drunk, scream, and throw stuff?
Life is try to teach you something about yourself...Sit down, and learn it. How you deal with life now, is how you will deal with life with a child, adopted or your own.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Typo - in my second sentence I meant "much LESS understandable and acceptable is your acting out "
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 July 2010):
Actually the problem is not so much getting him to respect the way you express your feeling as changing this way in something healthier. I know that you feel angry and frustrated , and this is understandable, much understandable and acceptable is your acting out. Grief and loss are part of life- if , 100 years from now !, you are gonna loose your parents or your husband, what are you gonna do to " express your feelings " , burn the house down ???. My advice is to seek counseling and learn empowering, healthy ways to express your negative emotions.
How do you tell him you are not ready to try and get pregnant again ?- simple, you have him talk with your doctor ( or any doctor ) and he will confirm him there is no point in trying again unless you find out the causes of such a high recurrency of miscarriages.
At the 3rd miscarriage, it's safe to assume that there is something wrong and to proceed with all the necessary diagnostic tests , including chromosome mapping, because the cause may be genetic. Or it may be some defect of your reproductive apparatus that will show in a tridimensional ecography. Or it may be an endocrine malfunction ( thyroid gland not working properly ), ...it may be a lot of causes and you NEED to get checked if you don't want to keep repeating this sad,traumatizing experience.
Hugs, and best of luck.
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