A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, here's the thing: I'm seeing a guy to whom I'm really into, although I won't let him know that because I'm not very sure about the way he feels about me. I've to say that he's kind of "emotionally unavailable" I'm a bit "femme fatale" in terms of difficulty. Despite this, I'm what boys usually define as a "cool girl" (not clingy, not needy, etc.).When we started to flirt 4 months ago I could notice he was interested, but soon everything became too sexual, so I stopped contact. I remark that we didn't have sex at all (he was pretty pissed off by that). I didn't want him to like me just for my body.However, after a month of not knowing anything about each other he got in touch with me again, asking me to meet. First I said "no", since I was still mad at him, but finally he convinced me and one thing lead to another and I gave him oral. It was a huge mistake, I know, because I'm really good at it and now he keeps begging me for more everytime we meet, to which I refuse. Despite of my refusals, he still wants to see me (at least for the moment). Often he looks me in the eye, tells me he can't understand me and kisses me. Sometimes I do believe he's starting to actually care for me; I can't tell why exactly I believe it, maybe because of some little things he does, like asking me very often about my "love life", telling me off when he thinks I don't take my health seriously (I've slight anemia)... But I got nothing clear.Is he just playing or is he starting to change his mind about relationships? How can I make him think about me as girlfriend material?
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (9 January 2011):
You messed up pretty bad by giving him oral. I will not sugar code that, do not ever ever ever do that again with a guy that you don't have an emotional connection with. I would absolutely not go so far as to say "I am looking for a boyfriend, nothing less, etc." That sounds overly demanding. This is what I would do: be there for him, try to talk to him on the regular, have meaningful conversations, and if he asks for oral again tell him that it was a mistake for you to do that in the first place and it honestly makes you feel bad that you two moved so fast. You need to be an angel from now on because he is looking at you "side-ways." He is not sure if you are "easy" with everyone. So, do not flirt with another guy, go out with another guy etc. If this is the man you want then focus on only him witihout being demanding, needy or desperate. You can be your "cool" self and have fun with him and let the relationship progress naturally.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 I think the question is: is this guy boyfriend material? You already are girlfriend material, and you know it. But this guy however needs to learn how to act like a boyfriend. At the moment he might like you? How about he cleans up his act and let you know how it really is? Any decent guy would. Can you even trust this guy? Is he honest with you? Why do you like him?
I think you should set some standards for him, that will surely make it clear that you're not playing around. As an example you could say: I want a boyfriend, fulltime, and Im not going to have sex with anyone who's not my boyfriend. Are you ready to be officially mine and date exclusively, and give it the time it takes for me to be comfortable about sex? If not then come back once you are.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): if you want him to take you seriously dont have any sexual contact with him untillyou both know were u stand, have talk with himd explain you are not looking for fun you want more from himnd you need to know if he wants more too.somebodys got to make a move or you will just be filled with what ifs...
...............................
|
