A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello thanks in advanceWell to start this off, I've been with my bf for 2.5 years. He's a contolling person, which I didn't really notice until we moved in together. He has to have his way most of the time. He's taken me out maybe 5 times throughout our relationship. I have taken him out and always have to pay. He needs access to my email account, my Facebook, and constantly accuses me of being a liar, and a cheat. I haven't been disloyal and I've been dishonest once about Facebook by telling him I didn't have an account, he ended up flying off the handle and demanded my password. I kept the Facebook from him as I needed some outlet to communicate with my gf's privately. He reads everything. I explained everyone deserves privacy and its not his business what my gf's and I discuss. He doesn't listen. Its difficult to argue with someone who thinks there always right. He's always accusatory, restrains me from leaving the room, always needs to know my whereabouts, yet he conceals his whereabouts. Back in March of this year I went to see him,didn't tell him I was coming to visit.I found a ladies hair scrunchie in the washroom ( not mine) He has no sisters, his mother has short hair. I asked him who's is this? He fumbled and said it must have been some woman viewing his place as he was planning on moving. Recently he sent me a text calling me "Judy". My name isn't Judy nor is anyone in his family or work. I asked who's Judy? He got mad and said listen I'm half asleep damnit!! One day while he was working I packed up and left. Were still together as I hoped he would change realizing I may never move back, but he hasn't. He's demanding that I move back in with him, and I want to see him in therapy before I take that step. I've expressed what I'd like to see transpire he agrees but never follows through. How can I make him see that I'm sick and tired of being treated this way, and I've had enough?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): hi, thanks. Just trying to figure out stay or leave
A
male
reader, hobbsey76  +, writes (5 January 2011):
The hardest thing for me to read about your situation was that I was the controlling and emotionally blackmailing one in the relationship, and it wasn't until my partner broke up with me by email after 5 years that I realised the way i had been. Losing her was the most devastating thing that had ever happened to me but it woke me up. The thing is, it was too late. I haven't heard from her since and it's been 3 months now.
People always say "Break up with him" or "he's a loser". You know, I think sometimes they might be right. But after what I went through, I'm not so sure. Men in our modern day for some reason have just been left behind and become extremely anxiety-ridden, insecure and show their "manhood" through control and anger. We end up crushing the people we love instead of cherishing them. But most men don't know what they've got until they've lost it. There are more women leaving men now than there ever has been, and you know what's going to happen? One day, some men in the world are going to say "You know what, maybe it's time to be more spiritually adept, and show the women that we can be what they really need: a person of strength of character who is there to support and help our partner flourish." But until that time, it's going to be a struggle, because we're still going to act like neanderthals and hunters. But there is hope.
My advise is, if he hasn't made any effort to change, then you'll be best doing what my partner did and leave without looking back. If he has made the slightest effort, then you have to ask yourself how much do you love him and how much are you willing to help him up?
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Break up with him, simple as that. Not to make him change, but to get him out of your life so you can reclaim it as your own. There's no reason why you should have to put up with his behavior and his trust issues, and clearly nothing you've done thus far has been enough to make him change. You'll have to accept that he's probably never going to change, not for you or anyone else until he wants to. Why waste your time waiting for him to see your side of things?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Well, you don't have to listen to him. It's obvious there are some trust issues between the two of you(mostly on his part). I don't think it's fair to you that he treats you like that. You're a grown woman, you have a right to privacy and nobody can take that away from you. Obviously bringing up any issues between the two of you in person(not txt/e-mail) is crucial in these situations. You need to look at him and tell him how you feel, then ask him how he feels. Have you ever wondered why he doesn't trust you? Maybe he's insecure and worried that you might leave him for a better offer. Be that as it may, it's not your fault. However, as his girlfriend, it should be your concern. And if he doesn't want to get help to stay with you then I'm sorry but he's a waste of your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): If he can't see it then is he worth it? I agree that therapy is a great idea! Kudos to you for leaving!!! No one ever deserves to be treated that way. but you cannot force anyone to anything if hrs just going to keep arguing and fighting it then he apparently doesn't want to work it out and it's not meant to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): You shouldn't try and make him see anything, you should just leave him. He sounds a complete jerk and he obviously is. You don't deserve to be treated this way.
Find someone who will treat you with respect. He clearly never has.
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